Day 2-Post Surgery

This is still Nelsie typing an update for my aunt.  My mom Robin and I are here today at the hospital visiting with her before we head back to Pittsfield and have fun with the kids. David will be staying with Beck again today/tonight.  

Beck is doing really well.  She looks a lot better than this morning and they finally gave her some good drugs that is helping to ease her pain.  She has read her blog and checked  some emails but then she got very tired and is now passed out.  

Becky will be heading home tomorrow morning/afternoon and will be resting for several days. Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers.

Not sure when we will update the blog again but hopefully Beck will feel up to it by early next week.

Update

Go to "Becky's Surgery Update" found on the right hand pane of the blog for her surgery update.  We are new to this blogging thing and just followed Beck's directions and here we are...

Tag!!

I am new at this......so I picked the 6th photo in the 6th folder...or something like that...and this is what you got.

Sophie and daddy at Bella and Gracie's dance recital in May.

You Shot what?

I had to show you - I had to share.....the woman who has been my best friend since Kindergarten when we were the "3 Blind Mice" with Lisa Lakamp (Musch). Karen - this is the woman who shot the last photo of me with my originals. And, she will shoot the back-ups, as well. Just thought I would share a little piece of her!!! All the way from Sacramento, California.

What is love?

As a child, I was blessed to be raised in a Christian home. We went to Sunday School and church each week...and I learned, early on, that Jesus is love. He died on the cross so I could live forever - how does it get any better than that?



For the past 6 weeks I have had the opportunity to see Jesus in action. Yes, He is love.....and He has shown it to me over and over again in ways I would have never imagined - love is a woman who has 4 kids of her own, but has the time to bring me dinner on the night before my surgery, love is the countless men and women who have volunteered to take my children to/from school, dance, daycare, and all of the other places they need to be (way more volunteers than I could ever need.....), love is someone I barely know praying for me, love is someone I have NEVER met praying for me, love is family flying in from Chicago, Baltimore, and Florida to sit with my husband during the surgery, love is a life long friend (who happens to be a professional photographer) flying out for a short weekend to do a photo shoot of "before", love is quiet moments God has orchestrated just for me.....love is so many other things I have failed to mention....but I am keenly aware of all of the love Jesus has bestowed upon me. I feel as if He has been washing my feet over and over again....and I want to repay Him.....I keep thinking to myself - how can I ever repay these people for all of their kindness? And then, I am brought to my knees with the realization that YOU are Jesus to me. Jesus didn't STOP working for me and doing for me and loving me when He died on the cross - that is when He started.....

Thank you....I know you are praying for me - I just want you to know that I am praying for you, as well. There is no amount of money that could repay you for your acts of kindness, your prayers, and your love......but I will pray that God will bless you as you have blessed me.

I love you.........

Breast Cancer walk in Quincy

On Saturday, October 25th, I had the opportunity to help raise money to fight breast cancer locally. My friend Hillary....errr I mean Jill, wanted to do this and actually gathered several other friends to participate. If they were giving prizes for the team member that travelled the farthest, we would have won for sure. Karen was here...all the way from Sacramento, California.

The 5K walk started in Washington Park in Quincy. It was very touching to see so many people come out - on a pretty chilly morning - to walk for this cause. I know there were 39 survivors or people currently fighting, and the rest were people who have been touched...I am so proud that my entire family was there....even Austin who has a social calendar I can not begin to compete with. ( he did have to miss practice.....I guess I should admit he wasn't given the option!! But he came willingly)

In my opinion, the real heroes of breast cancer are the people who care...anyone who cares. Thank you for being my hero.

Reality Check

I think I can call Friday, October 24th, a turning point for me. I am absolutely BRAIN dead when it comes to reading about cancer. I read one article and I feel like I just won the "cancer" lottery....then I go on to the next web-site and wonder what in the world is going on in my body. I am frustrated, maybe a bit angry.....but I am not afraid.

Because I believe in God, I must also acknowledge that satan exists. I hate even giving him credit for existence, but I must - because Heaven knows he has been playing with me as of late. I really feel the need to share this, because I am VERY AWARE he is coming after me - what better time to try and crush my faith than now. (seriously, he has no idea who he is dealing with....I say he - because if satan was a woman, she would be WAY TOO SMART than to try and take me on...) And I believe he is trying really hard right now....because there is so much power in prayer - and he really doesn't like that.

Today....it started when I thought we had lost our helper for Frank's wedding.......for about 3 minutes I thought I was going to bawl - I walked away from David, went into Bella's room, asked God what to do, and He said......."Call Patti." I did, her family is coming, and I was beaming....but let me back up a minute.

I will admit that I have been a bit , well, let's say "cocky" when it comes to this cancer, surgery, recovery (I wish I had not just said that....I will have 15 emails from friends saying, "oh, honey, you have been cocky about a lot more than that lately!!").....but I figure, don't I have a right to be cocky? I mean, I have God on my side - and, quite frankly, I'll take that to the bank ANY DAY of the week.....then I met myself - remember? I had lunch with myself on Wednesday - and got a check of reality. First, it was so great to see that I am totally in charge (Annie just made me feel so good about the way I am handling this...) After listening and sharing and talking about experiences.......she asked me if I had been prepped for the surgery. I said, "sure." And then she gave me the low-down. The cool thing was that Annie had the EXACT same thing that I will be having on Wednesday....so she is extremely intimate with what I can expect.....and I guess I wasn't real thrilled with her description. I won't bore you with the details.....(although if I were to be graphic, the details are anything but boring)...

Back to the wedding.....I now know...after Wednesday...that I can not take care of the girls - I may not be able to take care of me, let alone them.....and THAT is what could make me cry. I won't cry about the cancer that has been a disruption and inconvenience.....but I will cry about the things it will temporarily take away from me - like my independence. (yes, once again, I can see the words flying about that little comment). My babies will want their mommy!!! Satan will find a way to break me (so he thinks). I can give you countless examples of him trying - and each time, your prayers prevailed. I know from where the power comes.....and I just needed to sit down and say "thank you" once again. I was sitting here in the office blogging and I just told God that I really didn't want to cry; I don't want to be weak....so it started to pour down rain (isn't He good - He cried for me.....so I didn't have to) and then, peaking from behind the cloud (or rather, the Rural Health Clinic) - came the beautiful sun. I prefer to spell it "Son". And He showed me that my tears would not - and will not - be a sign of weakness, but rather of my ability to allow Him to carry me. A simple reminder that for every challenge I face (even the little ones) I am not alone. That , my friends, in addition to making me feel quite humble, makes me very very happy.
Loving you........Becky

Here's Hoping for a "Speedy" Recovery!

I have been trying to figure out how I could tell you about my day Tuesday. I just don't know if it is possible....but I am going to try. Tuesday morning I had pre-op testing...and WOW - thank you for your prayers. My appt was at 8am - I got there at 7:45 and there were only 2 or 3 other people in the waiting room - I thought that was a GREAT sign!



So, they whisked me away to the reception desk, signed me in, and then took me to the "back room" where I was weighed, measured, interrogated, had blood drawn, interrogated again, and released.....all before 8:45am. The good news is - I had two of the drill sergeants tell me they had a very busy day ahead and I was sure smart to come in at 8am (I didn't tell them of my hidden agenda.....retail therapy)....the only negative was I was unable to visit Jim Beard. He was on the 6th floor and the receptionist explained that I would not be able to visit until 11am.....I will see him Wednesday unless he has been released to go home (which, of course, we all hope he has gone home!!!)

So, Jill and I left to go to West County. We were there until 6:30 or 7:00 - after 9 hours of shopping I would have expected to have so much stuff in my car I couldn't see....but we didn't. It turns out that the best therapy of the day was simply being with a friend and talking!!! Oh, don't get me wrong, we had therapy - the best kind!!

So after trying on 63 pairs of shoes (this is seriously not an exaggeration), we decided to head home. Without even thinking I started west on I-70 towards 79....which really ticked me off. I wanted to go home through Jerseyville so I could stop at the DQ. We decided to take the Mid Rivers Mall exit and see if there was a DQ on the road....no DQ, but there was a DSW Shoe Warehouse - so we stopped, didn't find any shoes.....but did find out that at the mall there was a DQ (God takes care of cancer, and he takes care of a woman's frantic need for DQ....now how is that for a faithful God!!!!)

Finally, we could head home......and we did. And we were talkiing non-stop!! Jill literally planned a spring party in about 5 minutes - I have never met anyone more creative when it comes to planning a party, or planning what to wear....she takes the cake!!! We were outside of Elsberry when I noticed the car in the oncoming lane stopped and turned around....I glanced at the plates and saw it was a polic car......the rest of the conversation went something like this:



Becky: You have got to be freakin' kidding me. I am going 67 in a 60 and that fruitcake is going to pull me over. What the heck! This is ridiculous.

Jill: Don't worry, Becky, maybe he will just give you a warning.

Becky: Jill, this is Missouri - you NEVER get pulled over in Missouri and NOT get a ticket. I have been pulled over 4 times in this area and ALWAYS got a ticket

Jill: Well, do you think Frank could help you?

Becky: Are you kidding me? I will just pay for the freakin ticket. Telling Frank would be like going through a freakin act of Congress and I would have to listen to him for the rest of my life (I say this with a loving heart. Frank just cares and has asked me repeatedly to slow down. It is my mission in life to go slow for three consecutive years without having to tell him I got a ticket.......and I am two years into that process!!!!!)...I will just pay the freakin ticket. I can NOT BELIEVE THIS. Let me tell you something - i am going to let him have it. I am going to tell him just what is going on and he better let me off. (blah blah blah blah, Becky)

Officer: (of course, by the time he gets to my window I am putty and can not say a word) Mamm, I clocked you going a little fast. Can I have your drivers license, please? Where you headed from in such a hurry?

Becky: The SITEMAN CANCER CENTER. (YES!!! I got it out.....that wasn't so bad....it was the truth.....maybe about 9 hours off, but still the truth)

Officer: (Silence...I was hoping at this moment he wouldn't look in the back seat and see all of the packages from Nordstrom's. He walked back to his car with my license without saying a word.)



Jill: He didn't tell you how fast you were going. Aren't they supposed to tell you how fast you were going?

Becky: I don't know. CRAP.

Jill: (after a long silence......maybe even an uncomfortable silence) Well, You got a really awesome dress for the wedding today!

Becky: (LAUGHTER!!!!! I definately needed her humor right now. Remember Hillary from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? That is Jill....only Jill is a lot smarter than Hillary!! Jill is ALWAYS funny!!)



(we could see the officer approaching the car, so we become, once again, stoic)



Officer: Mamm, I clocked you going 68 in a 60 (WHATEVER.......I KNEW it was close to 67. Seriously, a ticket for 68 in a 60. I wanted to crush his little head between my fingers at that very moment) I would apprecaite it if you could slow down a bit when you are driving through here. I am just giving you a warning this time. Have a great day.



Becky: (feeling absolutely sick as I envisioned his crushed skull within my grasp) Umh...can I go now?

Jill: Heck yeah, pull out - get out of here before he changes his mind, girlfriend!

So, we drove in absolute hysteria for 30 miles. I couldn't get over it - I have NEVER been with ANYONE on Route 79 who got pulled over and didn't get a ticket. I immediately called David to "brag" about not getting a ticket in Elsberry. I told him that, once again, this cancer thing was really paying off. Of course, leave it to the reasonable one to bring me back to earth. He said, calmly, "The cancer thing is the reason you are on the road in the first place." Well, okay, downer....thanks for the reminder.......poor guy - I really do give him a hard time.....thank God he loves me.

Becky's Surgery Update

Hello everyone. This is update #1 from the Siteman Cancer Center.  This is Nelsie typing and we are here at the hospital with my mom, Teresa (David's sister), Frank (David's brother) and his fiance JoGari, Don (David's brother), and David's parents. I am not going to say that nerves have not been high today; it has been quite a stressful day.  But we are starting to get some reprieve.

This is what we found out today: Becky tested positive for the BRCA gene and I think she is planning to have her ovaries out next (is that too much info?!).  What this means is that her kids have a 50% chance of carrying the gene and her risk is rather high for ovarian cancer--hence the ovary extraction. The doctor also gave some advice to my mom, Robin, that she needs to be tested as my grandma Patsy (Becky and Robin's mom) had the gene.

The next piece of information that we have is that the first part of the surgery is over, which was the removal of the breast tissue.  The surgeon indicated that everything went very well and that the removal appeared to be very clean.  They took two lymph nodes from each side to test but the doctor does not think that the cancer spread to those given what she saw.  However, she did not want to say that definitively until the test results come back from the lab within the next week (so again, more waiting!). 

The plastic surgeon is in with her now and we anticipate him ending around 6:30 central time. We will update you again once we hear more and see her tonight. 

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers during this time. As you can tell from Beck's blogs, your prayers have helped make her stronger than she already is.

Love to all, 

Becky's Family

Update #2:

Beck is out of surgery and we hope to see her within the hour.  All seems to be going well.

Update #3: 

We just came back from visiting Beck.  She looks great but is in major pain.  I feel so bad for her.  Keep praying for her! 

Much Love to all from St. Louis!

Test Results

We finally received the final pathology report. We have been waiting on the results of the hormone receptor and Her-2 tests. The results were as follows:

Estrogen receptors: Negative

Progesterone receptors: Negative

Her-2: 0+/Negative

What does this mean? Hormone receptors are like ears on breast cells that listen to signals from hormones (God knows I have enough of these - they are called Bella, Gracie, and Sophie). These signals "turn on" growth in breast cells that have receptors. Breast cells that do not have receptors are "negative" for these hormones. Breat cancers that are either ER or PR positive, or both, tend to respond well to hormone therapy. My cancer does not have hormone receptors.

In my opinion this is neither good or bad for me - I am having a bilateral simple mastectomy so there will be no need for radiation (assuming no cancer in the lymph nodes) and there is a slight possibility there will be no need for chemo (this is what I am banking on). Hormone therapy is just one of the options a woman has IN ADDITION to chemo ro radiation, or both. All I can say is - I believe when the breasts are removed the cancer will be gone, and they will not find any cancer in the rest of my body.....therefore, mama won't be needing any drugs, anyway!

I have a great visual for you (courtesy of Annie) regarding a mastectomy. Imagine a hard-boiled egg. You cut the top off of it and suck out all of the insides.....then, you fill it back up with the other stuff. Now, how is that for understanding??

Have a superfantastic day!!!

I met myself today

Have you ever ran into someone and thought...wow, that is me? I had that experience today. A dear friend of David and I, Christine, had made arrangements for me to have lunch with a dear friend of hers - a friend who is a breast cancer survivor and went through the exact same thing I am going through.....now, listen to these similarities:

• She is 43 and got cancer 3 years ago (although she wasn't certain of the dates....as she put it, it is a lot like childbirth - there are certain things you block out of your memory. I reallllly like her way of thinking!!!)
• She is blonde (I want to be)
• She is YOUNG.....as a matter of fact, when I walked in the restaurant, my first thought was - oh, no....this gal is too young to have had breast cancer....and then I found out she is older than me (believe me, she may be older, but she certainly does not look it)
• Her mother has stage IV cancer right now - and has been a survivor for 6 years....that is AWESOME!!! I know where she gets her fighting attitude - it HAS to be from her mommy!
• Fighter - I felt as if I met the woman God put on earth to show me myself when it comes to fighting cancer....we both look at this as a minor disruption and major inconvenience (but an opportunity for new booties...oops, I mean boobies!!!!)

Now, there were a few other qualities about her that I thought were striking.....her humor, loyalty, and spirit of giving....all qualities I was able to assess in a 90 minute lunch. If you ever have the chance to meet Annie, don't pass it up. I know that meeting her today will be a chapter in my life - a positive influence, a woman who has survived breast cancer and told me....it is okay to not dwell on this silly thing. just deal with it and move on!!! Thanks, Annie.....God Bless you.....

p.s. There are LOTS of Annie's and Christine's in my life....thank you for helping me keep my eyes open.....

I am a survivor

Next year I will be walking in the Susan G. Komen 3-day walk in San Diego. I am honored that my sister and niece will be joining me (and hopefully others!) This was taken at Adam and Kimie's wedding.

My little man

I sit here, listening to the three girls make a LOT of noise. I like that...it keeps me sane. Well, that is what I am telling myself. ( Cancer is working out for the girls, too.) There have been many times I wanted to spank someone's butt, or put them in a closet for the rest of the night, and then I would think to myself....enjoy these moments, they truly are gifts. (and NO...I would NEVER put any of my kids in a closet...I just think about it.) (side note...I always said I wanted 3 boys and a girl....God blessed me with three girls and a boy...what was He thinking?? I am not worthy of this honor......can't wait to talk to Him about THIS particular decision!!)

The girls are doing great. They are pretty matter-of-fact about everything. And right now - they are much more interested in every toy that comes on the TV than they are their mom's cancer. Gracie told me just this morning that she wanted some item on the TV....I don't remember what it was. I told her she would need to tell Santa and she firmly stated that he already knew...of course he does...Santa knows everything. (what was I thinking??) I know their interest in other things is not a matter of caring, but rather a matter of understanding. I am thankful that their tender hearts can not comprehend all of this.

Then there is my little man. I am pretty sure he is doing okay....at least he seems to be doing okay. The only problem with that whole statement is that I know how Austin is.....He is all about making sure everyone else is okay - and he would not want me to think that he wasn't okay....ok?? Let me embellish for just a moment. Austin and I have a relationship that my girls and I will never have - it won't be possible because David is stuck with me for life.....Anyway, I have often shared that there was a time when Austin saved my life. (okay, maybe not literally, but he was a little piece of heaven here on earth) When his dad and I were divorcing, there were many nights I would put Austin to bed and then I would go in the living room and cry......many, many times he would come out and say, "what is the matter, mommy?" I would tell him that mommy had something in her eye. He would crawl into my lap (wearing his mickey mouse onesie jammers) and he would pat me on the back and rock back and forth telling me that everything was going to be okay. While that may be a bit difficult for you to understand or comprehend, he helped to shape my life. I hate that he was so aware of my pain but his love and understanding even them got me through that ordeal. And to this day Austin is not someone we can hide things from......and then there was that morning a few weeks ago......

I have been as open and honest with Austin as I can be about the cancer and what is happening.(although I must admit I have REALLY downplayed this whole cancer thing with him....I hope that was the right choice. I just want him to have no worries concerning me....that is no different than any other mom would do....of that, I am certain). I went to his room one morning and asked him if he would like for mommy to take him to school. Of course he would!!!! He was still a little asleep......I sat on the bed and told him that I loved him...and I was so proud of him. He reached up, grabbed me with his very strong arms, held me and told me that he loved me and I was going to be okay. (whoa, this was feeling strangely familiar to me.......) Needless to say, I became emotional.....once again, folks...tears of joy - a direct result of the words that were flowing forth from the mouth of my babe....from the mouth of my little man....my little piece of heaven on earth.

I ask, very specifically that you please continue to pray for Austin. He is such a strong young man who has a keen desire to make everyone around him happy. He is a peace maker and a fighter.....and my saving grace.

Thank you for your prayers........I love you.........

Mom, Austin, Dad, and Family

Mom before her haircut, Austin and Megan at homecoming (they did not go as dates!!), mom and Austin at Adam and Kimie's wedding, dad and Austin, the "gang"

Seriously - I am SO SORRY>......I am a little clueless on this blogger thing with photos. I will get better. For now, you will have to endure my ridiculous-looking conglomerate of photos.........Isn't my little guy.....a very handsome young man?? (I had several ask to see a photo....I will try for maybe....1/day!!)

Some Miscellaneous Photos

I have spent the last two hours trying to figure out how to post photos to a blog.....well, there was a bit more to it than that, but needless to say, I had to take a 30 minute break so I wouldn't blow my brains out. PLEASE, GOD...let this process become simpler!!!

Alrighty, now.....I have some photos....let's see if I can post them to this blog. Enjoy!!!

Bella and Gracie at their dance recital...Austin receiving the chorus award, Austin dancing with his then-friend, Megan. She is now his girlfriend!!. Austin and daddy at the Camp point jamboree - we were so proud of the Saukees!! The went 3-1 that day....Finally, Bella and gracie at the ball game. I still can not believe Bella went to cheer-camp......

Pre-Op Testing

I know this may be hard to believe.....but sometimes I get to have a blog that actually talks about something happening with respect to this cancer....as opposed to always talking about how it is making me feel!



This Tuesday at 8am I have to be at Siteman's for my pre-op testing. Someone asked me what that means. I wish I had more "meat" with respect to this process. In essence, they take care of a lot of the stuff that normally takes place right before surgery. I have to show up, fill out a questionnaire so they can know how healthy I am (I thought that was hilarious....last time I checked....I have cancer, for heaven's sakes.....BUT...I wish they would test me again....I would not be a bit surprised to find out my body is cancer free) But seriously...do I exercise, eat right, smoke, drink, do drugs.....etc. They will take any necessary chest x-rays (before and after photos of the chest area), draw blood (must admit.....this part of cancer is already getting old.....but I am not complaining. I am just concerned that eventually there will no more blood to take. HAHA).



They told me that if I got in before 9:30 my appointment would last 1.5 - 2 hours. If I were to get in after 10 am, I should plan on the appt lasting 4 hours (WHHHHOOOOAAAAA!!!). So, I made the appointment for 8am, will spend the night before with my gal-pal Jill (GREAT NEWS. If you are sick, or using the hospital, you can get a seriously reduced rate at the Parkway Hotel which is adjacent....)....and as soon as the pre-op is over.....we are going for some serious retail therapy. Do I dare even say it??? Yes, this cancer thing is really working out for me!!!! David gave me some cash....and I already have his credit card!



For those of you who are still wondering how I will answer the questionnaire with respect to smoking, drinking, and drugs - SHAME ON YOU!!!! (hehehehehe)

And the envelope says.....

When the mail arrives at the McCartney household, it is a little like waiting for the letter from Ed McMahon notifying you that you have just won $10,000,000. The kids fight to get to the mailbox....and everyone wants to bring mommy and daddy.....the mail. Bella asks, "Is there any mail for me?" And then, "me, too" and "me, too" ask the same question. (I now understand what Kathy meant when she said someday I would refer to the younger girls as 'me,too').

So the mail arrived on Friday - and I had ANOTHER letter from Siteman's. It was so exciting.....Circe (the secretary) had indicated to me that I would be receiving a special letter (her words)in the mail regarding my surgery date, etc. I was certain this letter would be filled with fabulous words and insight - about me. Since they are so good at making you feel good, I was certain this letter would be no different.......(hold your breath). I opened the letter and much to my dismay, there were no special words. As a matter of fact, it had items HIGHLIGHTED......why? My guess is that they send out thousands of these letters and I am simply no different than the thousands of others....at first, well, I was a bit miffed. I wanted to ask - what is so special about this letter? Since it is obviously a form letter that is printed and sent to ALL the patients. Nothing special about it.


That is what I thought. Then I decided, once again, it was time to reflect on what all this meant. And it dawned on me.......I should be REJOICING that I received this form letter regarding my cancer surgery. Obviously they do hundreds if not thousands of these surgeries each year......thus, they send out a form letter. All I could do in that moment of recognition is look up and thank God again for reminding me that I put Him in control....and He provided for me a top-rated cancer center, a doctor that not only specializes in breast cancer, but whose area of interest is high risk cancer patients and breast cancer in young women. NO WISE CRACKS from those of you who know I technically do not fit into her category of young women....I think her credentials read 'women less than 40'.

I know some call it coincidence, some call it luck, some call it positive energy.....each time I open the envelope to see what it says - I call it answered prayer!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU and May God Bless you with a form letter today!!!

A Massage...to cry for

One of my most favorite, longed-for and anticipated indulgences (after monster cookies, shopping, red vines licorice, dove chocolates, cardinal spring training, Aunt Patti's potato soup, and Barb DeGroot's butter cake) is getting a MASSAGE. Every year for Christmas David always purchases for me a gift certificate for a massage (the other 51 I buy for myself...hehehehehe). But seriously, it is an indulgence that I love.


After being diagnosed on September 26th, I decided that I would treat myself to a massage every week until surgery.....(once again, another fine example of how this cancer thing is really paying off) .....my appointments have been each Friday, and today was no different.


I was lying in the massage room (after a 10 minute phone "talk" with Frank on politics which made me a few minutes late ) and decided to tell my therapist that I would like to skip next Friday and have a 90 minute massage the day before my surgery. I told her that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer......HALT.....yes - the massage came to a screeching halt. My therapist indicated that in all of her training she had always been told they were never to do massages on cancer patients. Something about making the fluids move, etc. I am not sure what all she said - I was in shock and could hardly speak. Speechless, I was speechless...well - for about 30 seconds I was speechless.


But how could I be mad at her? She was just doing what she knew was right.....She mentioned that she had the rest of the morning open - and I mentioned that I would be getting on the phone immediately to talk to my doctor. For the next two minutes I was frantic - and for the first time, I was REALLY ticked off at this cancer. Finally, satan had found a way to break me....or so he thought.....how DARE he try to take away my massage....


It took me 15 minutes....but I was able to talk to David ( to get the number to Siteman's) the secretary to my dr., the breast health center, the nurse......and Dr. Margenthaler. And, the Dr. said, "enjoy!!!" Literally, I had tears in my eyes......they may have been fabricated, but they spoke volumes about how I felt about missing my cherished massage.....So my therapist came back to the room, the massage went on as planned, and I was a very happy camper. You are probably wondering if there is a moral to this story.....I think there may be.....

Never underestimate the power of a woman feeding one of her indulgences. (ESPECIALLY when there are a lot of people praying!)

I figure it this way - it could have been worse....the check-out lady at Wal-Mart could have just told me cancer patients can't eat licorice. Heaven help her if THAT ever happens......(I'm kidding....seriously...I wouldn't hurt her....mame her, perhaps, but not for life.)


please pray for Jim Beard. He is the father of a high school friend and he is currently at Siteman's battling cancer......thank you, and God Bless your day!!!

From the mouths of babes

I told you this would happen. Aren't moms always right?!! I guess on the way to town yesterday Sophie and Gracie were whispering and laughing in the back seat.......and it was about - you guessed it!!!! Poor David - he always said that his girls would be his hardest job ever....and he is certainly living it now!

I am reminded of the night I had to tell Austin I was having a biopsy. It was Saturday....and I called him into the bedroom....I spoke about my mom and how there was a history of cancer in our family and so there has always been a concern with me and Robin with regards to breast cancer....and then I shared about the mammagram and the sonogram and the spot compression...I shared it all, albeit in a VERY low tone. I wanted this to be....well.....a non-event. I say that a lot - it is what I mean!! So, after all was said I asked the question........

Me: Austin, do you have any questions?
Austin: (after a loooonnnggg, pregnant pause) Yeah - what are we doing tonight?

At that moment I knew it - MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!!! He feels as if this is nothing....which is exactly the way I want him to feel!!!



Okay - back to last night. Back to ...Bella.....I wish,that for those of you who do not know her, I wish I could paint a clear picture - that you could see and feel what I do every day with her. I call her dramatic - she is - but it is what makes her...well, our Bella. At the same time, she is a loving little girl - who feels very deeply (yeah - Sophie feels deeply, too, but while Bella wants to give you a hug and say hello.....Sophie would rather kick your butt!!!!)



So last night at bedtime Bella says to me, "Mom, a teacher asked me how you were doing. I told her that you were sick." I asked her who it was and she replied, "I don't know her name." Okay - I was wondering....so I asked, "Bella, how do you know that I know her." And, her response was again classic Bella. She boasted, quite firmly, "MOM.....if she knows me, then she knows you." I wanted to say, "WHATEVER, Bella".....but knew at that moment....oops, maybe this is where Bella gets a little bit of her drama......



....and the story continues. I guess it is never over where Bella is concerned. As she was rolling over I heard the following:



Bella: I said, "My mom is fine, but she is having breast cancer." (Whoa, sort of like....she is having a tooth extraction!)

Gracie: (In her matter-of-fact tone) Oh, mom, we are praying that you don't die. (THANK YOU, GRACIE!!!!)



I share this with you to let you know....it is simply another case of humor. My kids are speaking of this so matter of factly that I have living PROOF God has softened their hearts and this is an almost non-event in their lives!!!! I have shared with you that I haven't shed any tears or had any meltdowns....Maybe I should have clarified that I have not shed any tears of sorrow.....I HAVE shed tears....and they have mostly been a result of what has poured forth from the mouths of my babes........



Have a great day - God Bless You!!!!!!!



Love, Becky

The Sweetest thing......

When I was first diagnosed, David and I decided that we shouldn't tell the kids too much. As a matter of fact, my wish was that in 20 years my kids would say, "yeah - my mom had cancer...but I don't really remember anything about it." Well, several weeks ago I thought maybe I should tell Gracie and Bella SOMETHING.....so we sat down at the kitchen table and the conversation went something like this:



Me: Girls, mommy has something I would like to talk to you about

Girls: (no response - just the dear in the headlight look)

Me: Remember when I told you guys last week that I had hurt a muscle in my boob?

Gracie: yes

Bella: NO, NO....MOM, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT (please keep in mind - our Bella has a flare for the dramatic.....I have no idea where she may have inherited that from.....maybe Teresa????)

Me: Well, I am sorry, Bella....I thought I told you that. Mommy has an owie in my boob.

Girls: (no response)

Me: Ummmmm....do you guys have any questions (I just felt at the time that maybe this was not the right timing......)

Gracie: Can I have a bowl of cereal?



Then I knew it - TMI....too much information for their precious little brains, so I kept my mouth shut......until last night.



While we may have decided to liken this experience to a tooth extraction (as far as our children were concerned) we NEVER lied to them or whispered around them - and we have used the "c" word.....oh, wait a minute.....can't call it that...sorry, we used the...the....well, the forbidden word. We said cancer, and we have tried to always remain neutral when we talked about it. By that, I mean positive. I don't want it to be a forbidden or nasty word to my children like it has been for our generation. I need to add, that my husband, who has found his feminine side throughout all this, has not always remained neutral....but he has kept it within and sheltered from the kids. He gets teary-eyed, but I think that is a normal and natural reaction ( and the feminine thing....well, I just call that a great side effect!!)....okay, once again, I digress.



So, it is a ritual in our house....every night - and I mean EVERY FLIPPIN NIGHT to have the same communication with our kids (the 3 girls - I never have these issues with Austin!!!!) ........we say it is time for bed (at least 3 times) - the girls brush their teeth (after several requests) - they run around the house, get their jammies on, and come in and hide in our bed - and David says.....GIRLS....NOW!!!! Yeah - not much unlike your house, I am sure....



And....drum roll, please....I am finally to my point. Last night I got to get a glimpse of what is going on in Bella's mind.....and it had the potential of stopping me cold.....but I put it all in God's hands, because this is the part of the walk I could never do alone (okay - I could never do any of it alone.......but this one was tough for me) Bella is only 6....7 in November...but her mind is working overtime and, much like her older brother, I fear we will never be able to "talk around" her. Our conversation went something like this:

...she is cuddling to her mommy...you know, the part of the night when she jumps in the bed to hide from her dad....and out of the blue she says



Bella: Mom, do you have cancer?

Me: Yes, honey, I do.

Bella: Where is it?

Me: It is in my boob

Bella: How did it get there?

Me: I don't know, sweetie

Bella: How are you going to get it out of there:

Me: Well, mommy is going to go to the hospital and a doctor is going to take it out.

Bella: How is she going to take it out?

Me: She is going to take mommy's boobs off

Bella: WHAT....OH, MOMMY.....I am so sorry they are going to take your boobs off. (she gave me the biggest hug....and all I wanted to do was cradle HER! and all the questions flowing forth - sort of like that scene from Uncle Buck....you know the one,and right now you are chuckling...who can't chuckle at Uncle Buck?...)

Me: Bella, you just say a prayer for mommy every night and Jesus will take care of the rest, Okay?

Bella: I will say a prayer tomorrow (okay...literally, God gave me humor at that moment - because I needed it so desperately. I just laughed. That is classic Bella - "sure, mom, I will pray...but, you know, I am tired tonight...so how about if I start that praying thing tomorrow".....I still laugh when I think about it)

Bella: Mom, do you know anyone who has ever died from cancer?

Me: (WHOA....I can tell you that after that question, I had to take a very deep breath and hear "yah weh" come from my mouth....(thank you, Jill).....I needed God at this moment more than at nearly any other moment throughout this ordeal) Yes, Bella, my mommy died from cancer. (I really, really wanted to lie to her......isn't it natural for a parent to want to protect their child? Don't you think I would have been justified if I had lied?........but I couldn't)

Bella: Where did her cancer start?

Me: In her breast

Bella: Where is that?

Me: Well, in her boob

Bella: Oh, mommy, I don't want you to die from cancer (WHY is she able to reason that??? God - PLEASE help me!!!)

Me: Bella - you have nothing to worry about. Cancer is so much nicer now than it was when my mom got it (okay - so I felt like I was talking to her about a THING.... video cameras are nicer, cars are nicer, roads are nicer, bridges are nicer, garbage trucks are nicer....yikes....) The doctor is going to get it all out of me - I promise you (I know....right now you are thinking I should have NEVER promised her that....but it is what I believe - and she needs to believe it, too)

....in walks Gracie....

Bella: Mom, you need to tell Gracie

Me: uuuummmmm Gracie, mommy is going to have the cancer taken out of me

Bella: GRACIE - THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE MOM's BOOBS OFF!!!

Gracie: What - mom, they are going to take your boobs off?...Dad???DAAAADDDD??? Did you know they are going to take mom's boobs off? How are they going to take her boobs off?



for those of you who know David - you know that at that moment he was mortified.....and he said, "Gracie, please don't be repeating it....at least exactly like that." to which Gracie responded, "What? dad....I am not going to tell Mrs. Springer...I won't tell Mrs. Springer....why would I tell Mrs. Springer?" How much do you want to bet me that the first words out of her mouth are......"hey, Mrs. Springer....did you know?"



At any rate- we made it through that conversation...and not another word was said. This morning before Bella got on the bus she asked, "mom, how long are you going to have this cancer?" To which I replied - " It will be gone in two weeks, Bella....it might even be gone already - a lot of people are praying for your, mommy." And the best repsonse I have heard came forth from her mouth....she said quite simply, " SWEET!"

When is Surgery??

Dear friends, family, and prayer warriors:

I just received a call from Circe....GREAT LADY, by the way - she is the secretary to the breast surgeon....and I can not wait to meet her in person and tell her how wonderful it was to hear her voice!

My surgery will be on Wednesday, October 29th at 1:00pm. I have to be there at 11:30 and the surgery will start between 1:00pm and 1:15pm. Of course, my first question was about the eating requirements.... No food or drink after midnight. Of this I can assure you - when I wake up from the anesthesia, I will want to eat a horse, or maybe a DQ snicker blizzard with peanut butter sauce......of that, there is no doubt.

Thank......ful

Have you ever had an epiphany? Ok, if you are like me - do you even know what that word means??? I knew part of it - and since I thought I had an epiphany last night.....I looked up the definition to see what it means (confessions can be so cruel to oneself. Too many educators reading my blog...I did NOT want to appear a total goof) So - an epiphany is " an appearance or manifestation, esp of a deity" and...there are several other definitions, but that one worked for me so I will go with it.


David and I were having one of those "marital moments" last night, as I said before. Now, typically speaking I am not a mooshy-gooshy type of person...I am, however emotional. (and, a hopeless romantic) For heavens sake, I cry at Hallmark commercials (please, Frank, don't laugh - you know you do, too). And, given the current set of circumstances I have been a little more emotional - albeit very good emotions!!! (I digress...I am so sorry - do you wonder sometimes if I will ever get to the point????) So, what happened in this moment? In this moment I was made EXTREMELY aware of my cancer. (I feel as if I should preface my next statement by saying - there is NO DOUBT in my mind that at the end of the day I will be fine.......) Most of you are probably thinking....of my breasts right now....but that is NOT the cancer I am referring to. I am referring to the cancer that can invade anyone's life - the one that keeps us from getting things right. Right with our spouse, our family, our friends.....or with God. Most likely, we all have some type of cancer.




So, last night I told David - that I want to get this right. I don't want him to live even one day of his life not knowing that I think he is perfect.....he is my perfect. He is my perfect because he was a gift to me - from God......and I will never, ever see him as anything different. So, I want to get this right - I don't want there to be a cancer "poisoning" my mind about him - or anyone else, for that matter......but it happens.


So - I committed to get it right. And, just so you know - if you have a cancer that has invaded your life (keep in mind - that is what cancer is. It is cells that split and they keep splitting until they take over....sort of like a computer virus, for those of you unable to relate any other way)...and if there is one invading your life - I know of a drug that you can take. It is free, comes unconditionally, and is guaranteed to get rid of your cancer!!! If you want to know more, give me a call!!!!




I love you - I honestly do. It is a love that God has placed in my heart.....and it feels so good. For those of you who are wondering....I do NOT believe God gave me breast cancer, but I do believe that He can take this one event in my life and make me better.....and, after some long (and hard) reflection, I needed to be better.....I need to be better every day.


Hey, it's like I say every day now...in some fashion, "This cancer thing is really working out for me!!!!!"


Take care......and thanks for listening


p.s. Wednesday, October 29th at 1:00pm. My surgery is scheduled for this time. Please pray for the hands of the surgeons...we already know I am okay!!!!



p.p.s. What am I thank.....ful for? There simply is not enough time in the day for me to even begin. But I will try. I am thankful, that one of the side effects of this cancer......is that God sent me you.

Wait and See

I think that one of my greatest assets is NOT my ability to "Wait and See." As a matter of fact, I think I will make it an unwritten rule in my house to never say those words again....



I......am......frustrated. Everything seems to have moved so fast the last 4 weeks - mammagrams, sonograms, spot compressions, biopsies.....breast exams....breast exams.....yeah - and doctors visits. Okay - so we went to the doctor on Tuesday and she assured me I would know in the next "2 to 3 days" when my surgery would be....and, furthermore, it would be in the next 2 to 3 weeks....more likely 3 weeks because that is the average wait time trying to coordinate her schedule with the reconstructive surgeon's (Dr Brant).



Being the patient patient that I am...I called yesterday - got a voice mail. Called today - got a voice mail. And I was so sickening sweet in my message I literally wanted to hurl all over myself - but, I figure - do you really want to be a boob (no pun intended) to the woman who is going to remove your cancer? Not today - I think I will be nice to these people.



But....being the human (woman) I am, I am using this as an excuse to eat anything I want this weekend. I am going to have monster cookies, popcorn loaded with butter at the movies tomorrow, popcorn at the game tonight, and maybe even a snicker blizzard loaded with peanut butter syrup from the DQ. Why? Because that is what women do when we are......out of our element - we fight back - the old fashioned way......oh, and perhaps a little bit of retail therapy will make me feel better as well. Yeah - that will definately help.....



Sorry - I have no new news about the surgery. Thank you so much for asking. Now - go eat a cookie......I am!!!



God Bless You!!!!

I am not strong alone

I really am not a "tough gal"....at least, not on my own. Today, I left to take the kids to town...school, etc, and all I could think of was how beautiful the day is. It is October 9th and it is the most beautiful day.......I really enjoyed that drive with the girls....and as I watched Gracie and Sophie singing in the back seat (oh, yeah - they are their mother's daughters!!!), a tear fell...okay, a couple of tears fell......

We all are strong when we need to be - some of us get our strength from being with others - our children, spouse, partner, friends. I know I do. But, for me, there is a strength I need now, that can only come from one source - my Heavenly Father. And how is He reaching me? Well, through friends like you....every day - I will continue to share with you the fruits of your labors...so you will personally witness prayer at work - and working.

Please know - each time you talk to God, He hears you.......and all I can say is THANK YOU........AND.....if you don't believe in God, then pray to my God - even though you may be out of your comfort zone - I promise you He will hear you.....and I will never make fun of you!!!

My prayer is that each of you would know this feeling....of knowing you are not alone - and will NEVER be alone. No matter the want or need. I keep thinking to myself - Jesus died on a cross and ascended into Heaven.....if God can do that, then healing a little cancer doesn't even touch His radar!! Furthermore, it is humbling to think....God cares about me.....just as much as He did His own son. Whoa - now THAT is news.

I sing this song - every day. It feels like I sing it 100 times or more, but it is most likely more like...5 or 6 times. I want to share it with you......and if you want to hear it, I listen to the version by Selah. It is called "Part the Waters/I Need Thee Every Hour"...and it is so AWESOME!!!

When I feel I'm going under, part the waters, Lord
When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea
When I cry for help, oh hear me Lord, and hold out your hand
Touch my life, still the raging storm in me

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine, can peace afford
I need Thee, oh I need Thee
Every Hour I need Thee
Oh, bless me now, My Saviour,
I come to Thee..................

He brought me to you...............and I thank Him for that today. God Bless you!!!!!

What are they looking at?

I guess I should have thought about this blog thing a little more carefully. I write - not only to inform my family and friends, but also....for therapy. Sometimes it just makes me feel better. I am thinking - maybe a TALL glass of wine could have provided the same great feeling....so why am I writing now?



It suddenly occurred to me today....that everyone I know - literally - everyone I know and a LOT of people I do not know.....will know about my.....(in a hushed tone) "transformation." First of all - ladies.. PLEASE DO NOT HATE ME. It is not my fault that very soon I will never have to wear a bra again. CAll it one of the "bennies" of breast cancer. Or, one of the bennies of having a bilateral mastectomy.



Yes - I know, I told everyone.....because I wrote it here last night. And EVERY person I have run into today...I SWEAR looked at my boobs. It was almost like they were thinking "I better get a last look at the real thing." And then I thought to myself - these people have NO IDEA about your blog.....but, of course, I feel like I am walking around with a lighted neon sign on top of my head that says, " LOOK AT ME. I WILL SOON NO LONGER BE.....SANDRA DEE."



So, what are they looking at? Probably nothing. Most people look at the chest first, anyway - right? I mean - how many people do you look in the eye? I look everyone in the eye....but I always do the perverbial....look up and down the body to see if there are any changes (okay - I really do not do that....but I know people that do that.....you know - the ones who notice if you wear the same pair of shoes two days in a row......and probably know if you wear the same pair of undies two days in a row!!!!)



I just want you to know, after careful thought and consideration - I am going to be VERY PROUD of my ..... breast replacements. (Is that politically correct?) When my mom had her breast removed - they gave her a freakin balloon to put in her bra. For the rest of her life she walked around with crooked boobs. I know she and my dad didn't care - but holy cow, crooked boobs???????


Hey - thanks for your prayers, cookies (which Melissa is making for me), peanut clusters (oops - don't have those yet), soup, retail therapy experiences....and well - thanks for thinking of me and my family. I truly love you - and pray EVERY DAY that God blesses you as you have blessed me...

P.S. I wrote this, David read it - and I had to edit it.....It was so much funnier before I took out all of the stuff he advised!!!! I think that I forget......while I am trying to make light of a tough situation...he is living it, too. While I may think it is funny, to him it represents fear. I need to apologize if I have made anyone feel that way. I just prefer to laugh about it....instead of cry about it. I mean - I have put it in my Father's Hands.....and I trust He will get me - and you - through this......because that is what He does........





Okay - til next time!!!

The Next Step - finally

What a GREAT doctor's visit!! Thank you so much for your prayers. Let me try to summarize today's doctor's visit.....without, of course, the commentary from David regarding breasts.....



I went to Siteman Cancer Center today believeing that Dr. Margenthaler would have all of my records from Hannibal and I would be receiving a second opinion.....well.....you know how that goes. When I arrived, I learned that Hannibal had NOT forwarded the slides - in fact, they had forwarded NOTHING...I was a bit furious. Because I had told the nurse Thursday that I would drive over and pick everything up to hand deliver....she assured me that was not necessary. With the price of gas, they would have it overnighted. My first instinct was to be angry....and then, I realized that mistakes are made. No need to pass blame or get angry - I just wanted to get the slides to Siteman....so, I spoke to "molly" and she assured me they would be overnighted tomorrow. (I can assure you that if those slides are not sent tomorrow, my commentary on what I say/do to Molly and their team will be R-rated....David said that is a bit dramatic)



SOOOOOOOO...Dr. Margenthaler met with me anyway and I LOVE HER!!!!! What a blessing - I can only call it answered prayer - because there were 6 doctors in that office to choose from - and I got Julie!!! First of all, she was SO OPTIMISTIC. These were her exact words, " I do not expect to find the cancer in your lymph nodes or close to the surface skin" YIPPEE...........THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU - that is answered prayer....I will say that again and again...........Did I mention she is a breast surgery specialist?????



I learned a lot about cancer today. First of all, most breast cancer diagnoses are for women in their 50's and 60's....and, given the history with my mom and great-aunt, and my current age, I am considered high-risk. (yes - I know many of you are saying....'did she say high MAINTENANCE or high risk?') I am NOT high maintenance...that is Nelsie (oops...sorry, sweetie - I love you!!)



BRCA...the breast cancer gene. Since I am high risk, testing for this was a must....so they took some blood and in a couple of weeks we will know if I have this gene. If I do, then that means Robin has a 50/50 chance of having it.....and my children all have a 50/50 chance of having it. Of course, breast cancer is an adult cancer - there are no documented cases of it in children....ever.....therefore, if I am positive, then it will become an issue for my kids when they turn 18......



What do we do? There are three ways to treat this cancer - surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy, the latter two only if you need it. Surgery - a lumpectomy or mastectomy...... The recurrence rate for women who have a lumpectomy is 5-7% (that is a great percentage when I am looking for a rate for a CD.....but that STINKS for recurrence, in my opinion). THerefore, David and I had already decided that my best option was a mastectomy. It was apparent to us after today, that although the doctor can not tell us what to do....she was in agreement with our decision. I call this "our" decision - because while it is my body, I became one with David in the eyes of God.....and I would never make a decision like this on my own - but with my whole.



So, in the end, we have to decide - do we do a bilateral simple mastectomy, or a single? Does it matter what the BRCA test shows? In the end, for us, it does not....I will be having a bilateral simple mastectomy and WOW - not looking forward to that!! I wish you could have seen Dr. Brant's assessment of what would happen....seriously, removing the cancer....a PIECE OF CAKE compared to reconstructive surgery......David says to the doctor, "so, I guess you have had some schooling on this stuff......" you had to be there, I nearly fell over dead from laughter.
Side Note: David has ALWAYS been able to make me laugh.....but for some, reason, that has increased 10-fold over the past two weeks......he makes me laugh all the time - I am so blessed!!!! Not to mention, he has some GREAT one-liners.....I promise to share.

So, Dr Brant's people are going to get with Dr. Margenthaler's people and then they will call my people to let me know when the surgery is - sometime in the next 2-3 weeks.....SPECIAL PRAYER REQUEST......PLEASE pray that the surgery date is in the next two weeks......for selfish reasons. Frank and Jo Gari are getting married on the 15th of November, and I really do NOT Want tubes sticking out of my boobs....er....whatever they are called.... at their wedding - yikes, that is so not cool......



A lot happened today - not the least of which was confirmation for me that this is the best path for me to take. If I can say one thing - it is that I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, prevention is key. Thank God for mammagrams.



I have a lot more to say - it was a FUNNY day.....filled with a ton of humor (Ed and Teresa are sworn to secrecy) , but I am thinking I should save that for another day. As I said to the doctor, "I am so excited....well, as excited as one can be about having cancer......thank you, doctor, for seeing me."



Thank you for your prayers.....May God bless your day.....I love you!

The Nipple What??

First of all, please note that this site is not intended to offend anyone. I am placing a disclaimer, "this site may contain content you find objectionable. If so, please laugh with the author - she is only trying to use humor to make light of a freakin situation...oops, sorry for the freakin'."

Okay - so, last night I got to forget for a moment that I have cancer - and do you know why? I was amongst family and friends at Adam and Kimie's wedding and reception - and I was SO HAPPY...that I really did forget...not for the entire night - but for moments I did - and that is great. While I am very optimistic and upbeat and know, without a doubt, I will beat this thing, it is certainly on my mind - at nearly every moment of the day......and, on the ride home................

I had a thought. When people feel strong emotions, they usually find an outlet - singing, acting, writing....for heaven's sake, someone, somewhere, at some point in time wrote a play titled, "The Vagina Monologues." I never saw it - had no desire, really, but now that I have breast cancer, I am thinking I need to get a bit closer to this genre......so, I can sing - I can dance and act a little, but I can't really write....but I know someone who can. My buddy, Ken. I was thinking - maybe Ken could write "The Nipple Monologues" and I could act it....or it could be a song and Ken could sing it - but wouldn't that be.....well, like totally weird? A guy singing a song about nipples?? Okay - so he can write it, and I will sing it.

This cancer thing might really work out, you know - Think about it - the nipple is much more interesting than the vagina...and that show made broadway. Or it made something - I remember reading about it.....

Nipples - that's the answer. It can provide a little "comic relief" when I am having a breakdown. Like this morning. I had my first breakdown - and it had NOTHING to do with cancer (maybe a side effect, I don't know). This is the story. I signed up Bella and Gracie for a swim meet in Godfrey - since Robin and Nelsie are home for the wedding, I thought it would be GREAT - they could see the girls swim..blah blah blah. So, I got up bright and early and ran into the office to get the info . I thought we would have to leave the house around 9:30 or 10:00. At 7:55, I am reading and discover that my daughters are supposed to be getting in the pool at 8:00am for their warm-ups....and we are at least 2 hours from the pool. SO, I call Robin and tell her the meet is off - get home, and have a MELTDOWN with David. He is so great - he looks and me and says, "Honey, I wish we had known this last night - we would have stayed in Springfield." In other words - there is NO WAY we would have gone to the meet......he holds me, confirms I am not a total loser, and we decide to get busy losing the 5 pounds we gained at Adam's wedding!!!

Oh well - I digress....back to the nipples. The cancer is located directly below the left nipple....someone asked, I told them...and now you all know.

I am loving you all!!!!!! Have a great week!!

What's a Blog?

So....last night I was reading an email from a dear friend who mentioned he had read a comment on my blog....and I was like, "What's a comment on a blog?" I promise - I will get better at this.....I have made it a mission in life to learn how to post photos - and make this blog a little more interesting......I know for a fact that cancer CAN be funny.....and if I haven't already mentioned it- I am going to take TOTAL advantage of this thing.
I love you!!! Have a blessed day.........:)

What Stage is my Cancer?

Oops - I must confess,I am not the most eloquent deliverer of information.....but that is not my speech teacher's fault (Ken)....that would be MY fault!!!!

Let me first say - we DO NOT KNOW what stage my cancer is. We will not know until I have surgery and they examine the lymph nodes. If they were to determine the stage of cancer based on size of tumor only, then I am stage II........but if the cancer is in my lymphatic system, I could be stage III or IV. I apologize for any confusion I may have caused.....

I go for a second opinion at Siteman cancer center on Tuesday (yeah - I just received a confirmation phone call and they are sending me a WELCOME packet!! Isn't that great - it's like Christmas all over)....and people have been asking me when my surgery will be - while I really have no idea, I can tell you I believe it will be in the next two weeks......it will for sure be prior to October 20th.........

Thanks, again.......have a super evening! I love you!!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

For those of you who do not know, October is national "Breast Cancer Awareness Month." As David so eloquently stated....."Nothing like getting breast cancer to make you aware." I thought that was funny.

For, me, this month has always been an excuse to buy a bunch of pink stuff with pink ribbons - those who know me will tell you I have ALWAYS been a sucker for ANYTHING pink with the awareness ribbon.....I have a pink purse, pink chair, pink water bottle, pink undies, pink...you get the picture......well, some things never change!!!

David and I went to Quincy today - and my friend and neighbor Shelley tagged along. I used to work with her, so it was super duper fun to be able to actually CHAT for a day!!!! Dave got a suit, I bought some jeans, Shelley got some shoes....and then we went to Bergners. They have an entire section with the "pink stuff." And I think that I bought enough to say I officially saved my own life!!! Of course you don't have to buy the pink stuff to help the cause......but you can ALWAYS tell your significant other.....it is something we MUST do!!

A quick thank you to all who have offered help. Please know - I will be calling you!!! I am so greatful you have opened your heart - and I pray EVERY night that God will bless you as much as You have blessed me......

CONGRATULATIONS to the AWESOME Freshmen Saukee Football players!!! They lost tonight to QND 32-24......but they played so hard and I am SO PROUD of all of them ( a little bias towards #42, but I DID give birth to him, so I think that is ok).

The youngest Crews cousin is getting married in less than 48 hours - yikes.....we are very lucky to be getting a new edition - Kimmie Kilday is the lucky gal.....and Adam is the lucky guy - please remember them in your prayers as they embark on a new journey together.

Good night, sleep tight, and pleasant dreams!!! I love you.

Hair

I did it!!! Patti colored my hair and cut it off.....NOT SHAVED, but cut it short!!! And, after that - we went and bought a wig. Hey - just trying to be organized here......when I get smarter than this web-site, I will post some photos.....

Why did I do it? My kids - when the time comes for Chemo, and I have been told that is a certainty, I will most likely lose my hair - becasue I do not want to take other drugs to prevent it (may change my mind on that, but probably not)...so, I thought this would be a great way to break the kids in slowly - my wig looks a lot like my hair now....they will never know!!!

On a side note - yes, Nelsie, I will post other photos, as well......I love you!!!

p.s. cancer is a bit like being pregnant - I am already having "sympathy sickness". I feel nautious a lot....I think it is anxiety. ( I am TOTALLY laughing after reading that - of course I am nautious.....I just said PREGNANT...Now THAT is a scary thought!!!!)

Million Woman March

If anyone saw the TODAY show today, there was a woman talking about research. Specifically, she talked about the need to do research on HEALTHY women - women who DO NOT have breast cancer. They are needing ONE MILLION women to get involved.

PLEASE - go to the TODAY show web site and get involved ( www.armyofwomen.org) .....at the very least, get educated. If you can't do it for you - then do it for your daughter, or your niece, or any young girl you know - because they are VERY CLOSE to creating a vaccine for breast cancer (they already have one for cervical cancer)......you could be the difference for your daughter - she could be vaccinated and NEVER experience this.

Thank you for listening to that little sermon. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Getting a Second Opinion

"In 1999, Johns Hopkins Hospital conducted a study of 6,171 slides of patients referred for treatment. Of those slides, 86 were wrongly diagnosed. That is a 1.4% error rate. 20 of the 86 patients they found to be wrongly diagnosed, received unnecessary cancer treatment. That is just how much of a difference getting a second opinion can make."

So, I have an appointment with Dr. Margenthaler at the Siteman Cancer Center on Tuesday at 2:00pm. I am very excited about this - first of all, she has done many, many treatments on not only young cancer patients, but high risk cancer patients. She is a very good surgeon. What I like about Siteman is that it is a cancer center - these people specialize in cancer, and my surgeon specilaizes in breast surgery.....everything is in the same building - the medical oncologist, the radiation oncologist, the surgeon, both general and reconstructive.....while it may be a bit of a longer drive than Hannibal, I am already feeling a peace about this place......and I am so thankful...

Already in this walk, God has remained very faithful - as He promised - reminding me that he is walking with me and loving me, no matter what I am going through - and His love shines through you - my family and friends. I will probably say this a lot - but I am simply overwhelmed by His Grace.

Beth told me that the minute I was diagnosed, I became a survivor. Now THAT is cool!!! So, I am taking ownership of that statement......

And, while I do not recommend going out and getting breast cancer, I can tell you that there are some obvious positivie side effects....like, getting in the Word. I sit here thinking...God, I do not deserve You or the love You shower upon me, but You continue to be faithful to me.......and I will praise you, forever, I will praise You.

.....................and, with each of my children, David bought me a "gift" at their birth and presented it to me when they were born - I asked him if I was going to get a "cancer-free" gift (hey - I am a woman, after all and have not lost total control of my senses!!) Of course he agreed......like I said, some obvious side effects.....and I just want to say THANK YOU David, for humoring me and giving me some very goood laughs!!!!

More good news....Nelsie went to a meeting today and the speaker was a doctor of oncology and she talked about BREAST CANCER. Now - can you believe this? I DO!!! I am telling you - that is how GOD works. She said that one of the things she learned is that studies show that women who exercise have a much less likely chance of recurrence after the first episode!!! YIPPEE!!! So, in the morning when I am swearing at the elliptical....well, I don't really swear....but now I will think of this and maybe swear with a smile on my face!!!

I just want to say THANK YOU again - for your prayers, information, hugs, etc......they help get me through the day - that and 4 children demanding my attention......

I love you.......always.,....