Guys mouths are best when shut

Have you ever seen the commercial where the gal is getting ready to go out and she puts on the slinky dress....walks to her husband and asks, "Honey, does this make me look fat?" Of course, we all know what he says, right? If he knew what was good for him he just kept his mouth shut - or said something along the lines of, "of course not, honey. You look beautiful." It doesn't matter, anyway. If a woman asks that question it is because she already knows the answer.

It was this commercial that recently came to mind....during a conversation David and I were having. I was in his office doing some work on taxes....well, I was trying to do some work, but kept getting sidetracked. At any rate, over a salad and sloppy joe David and I started to talk - once again - about losing weight. He mentioned that he would like to lose 20 pounds...and I followed with I need to lose the 10 pounds I have gained and get toned again. I really miss working out. David looked at me and somehow I simply knew that whatever was getting ready to pour forth from his mouth was something that I did not want to hear....but he was going to say it anyway. I could see it coming - he was digging a hole and he hadn't said one word. And so he said, "Becky - I wasn't going to say anything. " (at which point I was thinking....then you should probably shut your mouth right now...but I said nothing and allowed him to keep digging). I simply looked at him and nodded, as if to say "Go ahead, David. I am dying to know what you THOUGHT you sholdn't say to me." And he continued, "but....if you would stop eating Dairy Queen all the time this might be easier." Wow.............

For the next 30 seconds I sat there in stunned silence. So did he - and my tirade went something like this. "You know what , David. The only freakin thing I can taste right now is tomato soup and ice cream. And I am NOT going to stop eating ice cream before the chemo is over. Do YOU have ANY IDEA what it is like to eat every day and not taste anything you are eating?" And.....Oh MY GOODNESS....he had the audacity to actually answer me. He said, "Yes - I did that once for two weeks......" I laughed......"You are kidding me, right?" He replied, "No - I had a cold." Folks. I had to bring this agonizing conversation to an end. So - I looked at him and indicated that this talk was over. I believe his last words were something along the lines of, "I probably shouldn't have said anything." NO KIDDING!!!!!! Guys, here is a hint. When you THINK you shouldn't say something - DON'T!!

Now I should probably put a disclaimer on this. David was just stating the obvious - but forgot he was stating it to a wife on chemo. And believe it or not, that makes a difference. There is a reason he often refers to me as "chemo brain." And while I think he is top notch and have probably placed him on a pedestal at times......I learned that even he can fall....as he did. No - seriously, that comment made him crash......and burn.

And so it is - the old saying is true. Guys - you are better off just keeping your mouth shut. Let's take Judas, for example. You would have thought he could have gotten a clue after he denied Jesus the first time. Hello, Judas - the cock crowing didn't set off some bells and whistles in your head. You had THREE TIMES to get it right.....and you had to open your mouth each one. How hard could it have been.....to just ZIP IT!!!

I am not complaining (okay, I am a little....but I have learned that no one listens to complainers....so I am trying to make it look like constructive discipline.) I have come to terms with the weight gain.....and believe me, I will enjoy my ice cream and tomato soup for another two months.....and then spend the rest of the summer getting it off again. Maybe, just maybe, Jillian will show up and whisk me off to the Biggest Loser Ranch!!! I will concede that Bob is the one man right now.....whose mouth is better off not shut.

Have a great day!!!!