Willy Wonka and some teenage wisdom

Okay....I can hear it at least a hundred times, but I am a woman - therefore, I am vain. No matter what you say to me I am going to criticize myself. I had someone tell me the other day that was TOTALLY normal - it is a "female" thing. I agree with her...and I am so tired of it...but I am fairly certain it won't change!!

So, Saturday I awakened in my usual fog, unable to see clearly (literally - due to the benadryl, I believe), a wee bit tired, dry-mouthed, and ready to start the new day!! I stammered to the bathroom to freshen up and was stopped dead in my tracks upon entering the "mirror-zone." Looking back at me, much to my dismay, was the Blueberry girl. You all know her - even if you have never seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, you have HEARD of the characters in the show....Well...on Saturday, I became the blueberry girl. I am going to blame the steroids. Heaven knows I do not want to blame the peanut m&m's....

Seriously - for a moment....I felt as though the gods of chemo were giving me a taste of what I have been seeing for nearly 5 months. I have SEEN people at chemo who looked....well....bare. There was nothing there - I have seen patients who I could not tell if it was a man or a woman....because of the swelling. Their expressions were filtered by the drugs they had been taking - and I didn't get it.....until Saturday morning. I have been popping out for some time. Believe me - I have 4 children who keep things "real" for me on a daily basis....Gracie and Sophie press on my stomach every single day and tell me....how big it is. I used to try and hide it - and now I have begun to embrace it. It is a part of this journey.....and, hey, who am I to take a laugh away from my kids? But what I really want to share with you is the wisdom of my teenager. It isn't that I don't listen to everyone. I do - and I appreciate and accept the love and support that is forthcoming. But I would be lying if I didn't say - there is something about the words of my babes that moves me. (Like when Gracie tells Sophie, "Geez, Sophie, do I have to slap you? You need to be quiet or I'm going to mash your mouth." Yeah - she says it...and she means it.....)

Austin and I were having a chat very recently (like...this past week)....it wasn't an out-of-the-ordinary chat...we chat all the time. Let's just say I am a mom who likes to know things -and he is a child who likes to keep me informed. Actually, he probably keeps me informed so I won't pester him so much....(holy cow - I really hope he doesn't feel that way)....Okay - back to the story. Teenage wisdom??? I, the mother, was a bit overwhelmed about looking like the Pillsbury Dough-Girl. Austin told me that he doesn't care what I look like - he just cares that I'm here. For that, my friends, I proudly....... go blue.

Thank you, God, for keeping this real for me - and reminding me that what is truly important is not that which we can see, but that which we know to be true and feel in our hearts.