A Season for guilty pleasures (Renee)

When David and I first started dating we had "the talk." You know the one I am talking about - the one that every new couple has at some stage of the game...usually at all stages, but for certain, in the early stages. It is the talk you must have in order to ensure you are compatible....the "Sex, Politics, Religion" talk....the one nobody wins, and everybody dreads.....

When David and I had our talk I took it a step further. You see, at that point, I knew a few things he didn't know - because I had already been married once (not that I thought I would marry the guy on our third date.....although he has said since that he already knew....hehehehe). I digress.....when we had the talk I told David something I thought FOR SURE would send him running.....or laughing. I told him that when I got pregnant, I got FAT......and I was sure that would be the same for each of my children...however many I should choose to have. It didn't even phase him. Which was no surprise. Guys can't think "out of the box." (sorry for the generalization...probably not fair in all cases) All he could see was the way I looked then and being fat didn't fit into the equation........a marriage and three daughters later.....I was able to say, "I told you so." Luckily, however, the fatness was just a season in my life - 80 pounds and a new baby each time...and each time I was EVENTUALLY able to get back to the way I was (why does it have to be so hard???)

So why do I share this with you? Well, today was chemo day and THANK GOD Renee was my nurse. I think all of the nurses know she is my pick - and maybe they have conspired to be sure I get her!!! Last week.....last week Renee was there but she was in POD3...I was in POD 4. And I was just a little ticked. You would have been, as well. The nurse I had was very nice (but as I have said in the past....I fired nice people.)...Anyway, while she was very nice, it was Fat Tuesday and she was more concerned about getting the food put out in the break lounge than making sure her patients had their meds. (I am having deja vu...did I already tell you this?) Which is why my meds were an hour late - she kept apologizing as I laid there....I just held my tongue....and watched as Renee, like usual, was running around, staying with her people, and making sure everyone was taken care of INCLUDING ME!!!!! And I wasn't even in her POD!!! (Jill has since shared with me that Renee would come over to POD 4 and tell Jill to take a photo of me with my mouth wide open....good blackmail shot!! I will SOOOOO get her for that!!!)

Anyway....today.....as we were talking, Renee asked how I was doing. And then, she took it a step further....(I TOLD you she was more than a nurse!!! They should put "counselor" on her tag, as well!!!) She asked how I was MENTALLY.....I told her not so good. I have gained nearly 19 pounds....BUT....I started working out yesterday and I was ready to make sure this chemo thing didn't take me over. Renee (now keep in mind - while she is talking to me she continues to monitor and work with her other patients - she can do this and still make you feel as if you are the only person in the world....I really love that about her - it is a gift she has). Renee commented that I should look at what the steroids are doing to me, and not worry about that - it is a part of the game. And, as she moved to another patient at the end of the room she asked me to look at the patients (liquid cancers and bone marrow cancers) in the waiting room who don't have 19 pounds to lose.....and think about how lucky I am. WOW - thanks, Renee....I told her I KNEW there was a reason I needed to see her today!!! If that didn't put it in perspective - what would??????

Here I have been obsessing about my weight gain and I should have been thanking God for it. In that moment, I can tell you that I was SO THANKFUL to have a tumor cancer and not a liquid cancer, or something worse. I looked at those people later in the day when we left (although I was extremely tired and not very alert.....)and I said a silent prayer for them...I say one now.....praying that tomorrow they will wake up and have a desire to eat - to eat ANYTHING...which seems to be the problem. They come in, skin and bones, and the nurses have to put poison in their bodies......praying it doesn't kill them because they have no fat.

Back to Renee....she did mention to me that there is something to be said about being "fat and sassy" when you are on chemo....they really DO like to see you come in and gaining.......because, as she said so eloquently.... this is just a season in your life. It will end and I will get over it. She asked me how much weight I gained when I was pregnant. I told her.......80 pounds, or more (yikes)......and, of course, I am nowhere near that now.......yes. This is just a season. And it WILL pass - a year from now I will be fit and trim again and looking back at this experience as a beautiful journey. Valentine's weekend while dining with Kim, Diana, and Beth, Beth mentioned to me that ice cream is a "guilty pleasure" that I deserve. THANKS, Beth!!!! I think I will take you up on that - like every day!!!!!!

Leave it to God to orchestrate a season of guilty pleasures for you. Listen to Him, take advantage of them, and live.

I love you...........