Defense Defense

Well, it is basketball season around here....and we love it at the McCartney household!! I wish there were games every night of the week.....(yes, I am one of those moms.) Last night was another Freshmen game - which is so nice for our boys. We have 6 on the team and they play so well together - I think they are a ton of fun to watch. The dads, however, are struggling a bit. You know the old saying - the best offense is a good defense. (I don't know if that is the saying - but it works here....so I am going with it) Unfortunately, I guess our boys don't use the balls of their feet and they get burned a lot on the baseline (hey - I still think they are fantastic!!) and.....defense has not been our strongpoint. While this may be important on the court, I am very proud of them for taking an "offensive" attitude. They are winners and getting better every day! (Keep it up, Saukees!!!)

Which brings me to my point.....defense. This little issue I have been dealing with since September has been an opportunity for me to take the offense. Ok - I can't really take credit for that - it's easy to take the offense when you have put the ALMIGHTY ONE in charge (thanks, God!!) However, I am human. And as a result, lately I have taken to the defensive and it's not something I think I want to talk about.....but I need to talk about it - it shows God's goodness and Grace, even for me. It shows what happens when I start thinking with my head instead of my heart - and believing, for SOME reason, that I can actually get more accomplished than He can. (I need an attitude adjustment....don't tell my kids - they will run for the wooden spoon.)

I am not going to belabor the facts of chemo and how it effects my body. Let me just say - I have struggled with the lack of "good feelings" I was expecting. I am, however, a poker face, so I can get through a lot of that when talking to peopleother than my family.....it's when I am enclosed within the four walls of my home in the presence of my family....that another side of me has gone on the.......defense. (maybe I am trying to sugarcoat this.....I have been a real toot lately.)

This weekend I found myself being short with Sophie (Please - of all the issues....I completely think being short with her is justified. She put finger nail polish on nearly every surface in our home....she is LUCKY it was me....her dad would have thrown her out the window!) And that is just the tip....the problem is I have become short with everyone in the house. I KNOW I am doing it - and yet I keep doing it.....yelling, swatting, and not being very kind to David. Let's just say, in my opinion, over the past several weeks, God has been quite disappointed in my behaviour. So much so that I was convinced He probably wished He could take my family away from me.......and then He sent a message.....this is how GREAT He works....

Yesterday (in the vehicle, holding the wooden spoon which seems to get a reaction out of Sophie now) I turned to WIBI and what did I hear? Some lady saying this, "Remember - God does not love you based on how you feel about yourself. He loves you unconditionally - no matter what - no matter how many times you mess up......" OK OK OK.....I lost it a little there. I have to admit, it's nice to know that the "God Police" won't be showing up anytime soon - I would be taken away for sure, However, the God of Love is here....and I don't need to play defense for Him - He already won the GAME!!!!!!! I am so blessed....I pray you are, as well.......