I met Jessica and I saw Jesus

Tuesday was chemo day. It just so happens that this week was another lottery for David - he didn't have to go!!! My friend Jill called last week to let me know she would like to take me again. Poor girl - the last time she took me we had to leave a little after 6am and I will never forget the sound she made when I told her......well. This week I had the earliest blood draw yet - 8am. And we have to leave 2.5 hours before blood-time....which meant 5:30. I really felt sorry for her...but so thankful at the same time!!!

On this particular day, I had to awake to say goodbye to my friend, Jens, who has been here since Saturday visiting. Jens is from Germany and I met him at the U of I in 1990....and we have been very dear friends ever since. As a matter of fact, I had the opportunity to fly to Germany in May, 2007, to be the Godmother of his third child - Lynn.....and what an honor!!! It was nice to have him here. As David and I showed him Pike County and talked about old times, he reminded us of how fortunate we are - he kept telling us how beautiful and peaceful it is here. All I could talk about was the mold in the air from the rivers.....he opened my eyes!!

So, Jill and I were off to St Louis. We seem to have the routine down to a science - because I walked into Siteman at 8:00am.......albeit at the expense of about 250 drivers on I 170. Thanks to the construction on 40/61, a lot of traffic had been diverted to 170. The drivers get off on 170 from 40 and drive North to Forest Park exit - MY exit...........needless to say, I do NOT stay in line.....I always drive to the front and cut in. I make sure to keep my wig off so an angry motorist might feel a little pity on the bald lady in the car. I still can not figure out why people wait in that line,,,I guess because they aren't bald.

It was an uneventful morning.....except I was a little peaved that they put me in POD 4 instead of POD 3. Why, you may ask? Because my chemo nurse is Renee....and she is typically in POD 3 -as she was today. And, well, I was a little peaved....I just was - chemo is no different than life. After awhile there are certain constants that you grow to rely on - for me, one of those very important constants is my chemo nurse....Renee. You see - Renee remembers me. She even remembers the fact that I can tast tomato soup and ice cream....butter pecan in particular. THAT is who she is....I am not just a chemo patient to her - I am a friend.....and I have grown to rely on that. Can you imagine my candor when I found out I would not be treated by her today? Don't worry - I didn't cut off any heads, or anything.....I just slept. And then.......I drank some coffee!!

You see - Jill and I had a master plan. We figured I would be out of the hospital by 11:30 or so - so we would have at least half of the day left to do a little retail therapy (look for the big bargains.) So I asked the nurse to please have a cup of coffee for me when I woke up so I could actually wake up. 50mg of Benadryl tends to put me out for at least 36 hours......I figured a cup of coffee would keep me up for the rest of the day. Oh yeah - it kept me up, allright. If you are reading this blog you will see that it is now 1:50am on Wednesday......since I don't drink coffee...or soda...or any caffeine.....a little cup has done more damage than I ever dreamed possible - I expect to crash sometme this morning and wake up......hopefully by Friday!!!!

So, Jill and I went to the mall. This day was all about the eyes. You see, on chemo day I don't do a lot - a little make-up on the eyes so I don't scare people to death ..... and that is it. I don't wear my hair - it is chemo day and I have every intention of being as comfortable as possible.....and I was!! As a result, however, there are a lot of stares. This is not new to me, nor does it bother me. As a matter of fact, I get a kick out of it - especially the men. Since men tend to be less emotional - or reasonable when it comes to a bald head.....I think most of them figure I have lost my mind and shaved my head. (Seriously, guys.....Sinead O'Conner and Britney Spears may do that.....but most women definately do NOT!!!!) Women, on the other hand think with emotions....and probably tend to guess that there is something wrong (hair disease, cancer,.....etc). Today - there were a lot of stares. The first store Jill and I ventured into was White House Black Market. I wish I could tell you that was a good experience. It really wasn't. Those women definately treated me different,...and that was a hard lesson to take. I thought maybe I smelled, or something. It is amazing to think a bald head can have that effect. Later in the evening Jill told me that she would never go back there. I had to concur. I do believe, however, that store was the expection. As Jill would tell me, she believed that the looks she saw seemed to indicate that people were compassionate - they would stare at me and then get a look as if to say,"Good for you. We hope you are ok."....or something else very positive. I call it the human spirit - we are surrounded with people who have a big heart.....quietly or otherwise, they care.

And then there was the girl who changed my day. It was nearing the end of the evening. Around 6:30 we were in the Gap and I had several items in my hand. I was becoming VERY tired - and it probably showed. A young girl walked up to me and asked if she could take my clothes to the dressing room. I was SO RELIEVED!!!! I thanked her and told her that my friend also had a handful!!!! She looked at me and said, "Oh, I don't work here. I just want to help you. My mom was sick and I want to help you. I can take your bags, too. They will keep them behind the counter for you so you don't have to carry them." I stood there for a brief moment.....in silence, and looked at her. I looked in her eyes and I could see the compassion and love of Christ. This girl was the most beautiful stranger I had ever seen. I was silenced. And then I said, "Thank you. Thank you so much." She took my clothes and my bags and walked away.

Okay - for a brief moment I thought...becky, did you just give away all your bags???? But there was such a peace about that thought. I just knew it was okay. I grabbed a shirt, and walked to the dressing room and started trying on clothes. About 5 minutes later I looked up and walking towards me was this girl. She walked up to me, put her arms around me and gave me the biggest hug. I pulled back and asked her name......"Jessica," she replied. "thank you, Jessica, for what you did. Is your mom okay?" She replied that her mom had been in remission for two years. She told me that her mom, also, did not have a wig and she was so proud to see me out shopping. (my baldness did not scare her....it inspired her to reach out to me) She could remember what it was like to carry her moms bags.....and she wanted to help me. I was so touched by her kindness. I had to force myself not to cry (as I am now....just thinking about her...and praying for her). I hugged her and she looked at me and said, "God Bless You. God Be with You."

God Bless YOU, Jessica. Although I will never see you again - I know that Jesus walks this earth because of you. You made a difference in my life today and I wish I could tell you again....thank you....for not listening to the voices telling you to stay away from the freaky lady with no hair......but listening to the voice of God telling you that I needed to see Jesus face to face today.