Anticipation

It seems like forever since I updated my blog. I have decided to come at least twice each week....enough so you will know I am just...super fine....and not too much to bore you with!!



That being said....given the time of year, I have done a lot of reflecting - who doesn't? Okay...scrooges don't, I suppose, or - you know - those people I like to call the "rally-killers." They hate everything in life, so most likely do not reflect on the good things from their past (note to self: pray for those people - they really do exist)....and what have I been reflecting on??????? Christmases past, of course.

I can remember the year I got a ton of Barbie crap. First of all, I could not figure out how Santa knew to get me Barbie stuff - I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I wanted Barbie stuff - so how did he?? Oh well...it was awesome just the same. And the agony of having to go to sleep so he would finally come. The anticipation of seeing just WHAT Santa would leave for us...or rather, invade our home with. At our house, you literally could not see the floor on Christmas morning - photos you would have to see to believe.(thanks to the generosity of grandma and grandpa Smith, my dad's parents).

Anyway.....so I awoke...and since both of my parents were alive, the FIRST thing I would do is FLY up the stairs to jump on their bed and let them know that Santa had been there. Well...this particular year (so I am told) Dad had a really hard time with some of our gifts....and literally had just crawled into bed when I declared...time to get up because Santa was here!! Given what I know David would say today - I can only imagine what my daddy said to my mommy on that particular morning!! I love that story now...because I think nearly every person I know has experienced it....helping Santa only to go to bed and be awakened by the kids......my heart skips a beat just thinking of it - you see, my anticipation has changed. Now....I anticipate the look on THEIR faces Christmas morn when my children awake to see what Santa brought....and I must admit - I like this anticipation a whole lot more. It is true - there is so much more joy in giving than receiving.

Which brings me to the purpose for this blog. Tuesday is the next "C" day. (I really need to come up with a different acronym than the "c" day because I do not like that letter....it's a girl thing.) 10 days ago I can tell you without a doubt that the anticipation of this next visit made me want to hurl - literally. So, God being God....and never ever letting me down.....has brought me to a different place within the scheme of this chemo. I am actually looking forward to it - not like going to the DQ for a blizzard, mind you....more like going to the dentist for a check-up. At least when you are scheduled to go to the dentist you know the possibility exists that there won't be any cavities - thus, no pain!!!! That is how I feel about this chemo trip...the possibility exists I won't think I am dying from the nausea and sickness....so I am claiming that (and probably gonna kick some medical oncologist butt if I get sick Tuesday Night)....and so now, many of you are asking yourselves..."just what does this butt look like?" And to that I say to you - shame, shame......Dr. Michel would be blushing, I am quite certain.....(sorry...I digress...we'll have to take up the butt conversation some other day)

So, I wanted to share with you what God did for me......I prayed two weeks ago about the anticipation of this next visit.....and God did not spare me a bit of anticipation - He has granted me loads of it in other forms. I was anticipating Austin's ball games (still am), and his concert, and the girls' Christmas programs, singing, going shopping with Jill, making a DJ request to Troy on the way to the hospital (yes....David and I both live in anticipation of that - we just love him!!!) seeing Charlie over the holidays (because Charlie is the one person in my life who I can tell you - has NEVER failed to come up to me and kiss me and tell me I am gorgeous...seriously - I have been fat, ugly, and obnoxious and Charlie STILL tells me I am gorgeous....they say love is blind so I think Charlie must truly love me!!!), seeing family and friends......and Santa. God even gave me Santa.....I am so blessed and so thankful that all I can do is get on my knees.

I used to ask myself years ago.....what did I do to deserve such a good boy ?(Austin - in the days especially after his dad and I first separated)......and now I am asking God again....what did I do to deserve your grace and the peace that only You offer? And I cry...as I am now....when I am faced with the harsh reality that I have done absolutely nothing.....Jesus did it.....all I have done is believe.....I got the easy part.

Thank you, again, for loving me, and walking this journey with me. So many of you have sent cards, prayers, and words of encouragement - and I wish there was a way I could stand on top of the world and shout to everyone about the many blessings you have given me.......since I can't - I am going to stand on top of the world and shout to God and ask Him to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE bless you as you have me......and I will continue to do that!!!! Because I truly do love you.

God Bless You and May you anticipate a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!