Don't rain on my parade

Okay - I know this has happened in your house.....especially if you, the wife, have EVER tried to lose weight.......Last April David and I set out on an a mission to get healthy - for real - exercise, eat right, and drop the ridiculous weight we had gathered over the early part of 2008. (I really wish I had not wished this year away...but when it started with me getting mono, diagonosed on January 15th and put on those beloved steroids)....I knew it was going to be a long year.....wow, little did I know that God had something much greater in store for me - a year full of blessings that would/will take me the rest of my life to take in.



Okay - so back to the weight loss thing. It has always been a tradition in my house.....I get up, go pee, take off ALL my clothes (you know - every ounce counts) and I weigh myself. This was particularly difficult for a few months this summer because David and I were going to the hospital to be weighed by nurses - I thought it would be entirely inappropriate for HIM to get undressed!!! SO, we changed that routine to fit the current tide.



Finally.....in the mornings I would declare "HONEY......I lost three pounds this week!!!!" And I would be so excited - knowing it was real weight loss...not just water. And, each and every time I could count on David responding, "Great, Honey, now let me go take a $#!* (beep was required here) and I will lose FIVE pounds." NICE, David - real nice....thanks for the encouragement- I hope you go to the bathroom and it never comes out!!!! And when it does....DO NOT yell at me to come look at it - I do not care if it is the mother of all loads!!!

Seriously - if this doesn't happen at your house, then I guess - well, maybe you aren't normal.....because my brother was the same wway....can't say, however, that I EVER heard my daddy say that to my mommy - although I am quite certain he did!!! (and I have several cousins I could name by NAME....but I won't...they might come hurt me!!!)


Thus began our trek to Siteman yesterday for Chemo #2. I started the day with the blood draw. David decided to watch - he had not seen them access the port and I thought he might find it cool. So, they got it prepared and she came in for the STICK......and david says,, "WHOA....honey, did that hurt?" And my response was - it freakin hurt...yes, it hurts. TO which he replied, "Damn, that looked like it hurt." You know - he loves me - he really loves me - he has a way with words, yeah.......I think he has become numb to part of this, which is expectable......but I laughed....no, kidding.......

And on to see 7B - she was there today. Do you know what I did? I gave her my name - with a smile.....and I said to her - Merry Christmas. I hope you can make the difference in the life of someone else today. And do you know what she said???? Nothing - but she smiled. I considered that a triumph. Maybe she never gets any encouragement anywhere else. Believe me - this was God talking. All I really wanted to do was reach across the desk and wring her neck...but what would that have accomplished? (okay - some short term gratification for me that would have turned into ridiculous guilt which would have made me end up blaming MYSELF for her problems.....yeah - being nice was definately the only alternative and a lot less work!!)

I was taken by a nurse coordinator for the blood pressure and the "weigh-in" (finally - the point of this blog)....AND........I lost 2.5 pounds since my last visit, Well - NO KIDDING!!! If you have to cut out the sugar.....believe me, it would come off - I would have lost 7 pounds, but decided to do Chinese and Mexican over the past week - the Mexican was actually OK....But mama will have no-no Chinese for a very long time!!!! And, I am sure part of it is still the muscle I am losing....but it gets better. David - like every man - hovers over the weight reading.....you know - he wants to see how I am doing (sure!) Do you know what he said? I commented, "Honey - I lost 2.5 pounds since the last visit?" "What?", he replied. "I thought you weighed XXX" YES, David - I weigh XXX at home - but they weigh me HERE on a $10,000 scale every two weeks - so this is a more accurate reading of where I really freakin am." And then...the moment came, "Well, honey - I cold go to the bathroom..." STOP STOP STOP.......yes - I made him zip it and we were off to see Dr. Michel!!! How DARE he try to rain on what might be my only parade of the day!!

The best part of the day - talking to the doctor with my consistent list of questions. As I described my first chemo, he jumped up and brought two nurses in. His comment was ," We do this all the time - hundreds of times each week and your reaction is not normal - there is something else going on here." Of course, I was not alarmed because I KNEW there was something wrong - and it was called....not enough drugs when they gave the first chemo. SOOOOOOOOOOO we changed the scrip and were off to Dr. Brandt.

Now - the "boob filling" is an appt that last all of 5-6 minutes. I walk in the room, take off my clothes and the dr comes in to see how I did the past two weeks - and I told him to "continue to fill the girls up - they still look flat to me." So...he did. And I am happy to report I have a bump - it is probably like a bra size AA or AAA. I am hoping to move up to a solid A by the next visit. And, girls -- the best part is these suckers are HARD!! No jiggling here - no hitting me in the chin when I run, or getting in the way of shaving....or other things - this . Well....I will admit that as time goes on - this is SOOOO going to be worth it!!!!! (p.s To Mr. Danny - you know who you are!!!! There will definately NOT be 44 DD's!!!)

And now - back up to the chemo room (so sorry for the long email - it was just such an eventful day)...We checked in, got our parking ticket stamped (remember - it is FREE when you are getting chemo...$15 saved this week....yee-haaa!) David and I walked around the corner and there she was - Renee - a familiar face. She is my chemo nurse - and WOW...do I really like her. I gotto pick my seat and we got started. Oh - I did find out that I will always be in pod #3 because I am part of a "study".

Renee disccussed with me the new drugs they would be giving me pre and post chemo - a little "boost" if you will to make sure I made it home without getting sick!!! She decided the best way would be to give it to me quickly - she said...it will be like getting a six-pack in your veins in a matter of 10 seconds. You won't be sick - but you will be loopy, dear. I am NOT KIDDING when I tell you while she was STILL filling my veins.....I felt like I had just had about......25 beers - the best part was there was no vomitting involved (bad memories there...you all have them). the next thing I know I am waking up and David is sitting there - I TOTALLY passed out!!!! That was a great nap!!

What a gift. In anticipation of my trip, God gave me such a special gift yesterday - the appointments went wonderfully - the people were so kind "note to self: remember to ALWAYS say Merry Christmas to the people you see - especially considering the beautiful impact it had when you said it 100 times at a jewish hospital) The gift I am referring to is NOT the flawless day (we had the great weather to contend with and absolutely HORRIBLE STL drivers....Thank God He carried us through that traffic - I thought David would go into road rage at any moment.)......now....what were those gifts???



Angela Gambino - a nurse with hardly any family - her mother, a niece and a nephew. So, she gives me a beautful pink scarf and in our conversation I learn that this wonderful nurse adopts a family during the holidays - it was everything I could do to not cry....I am so proud of her.



Renee - My chemo nurse.....This woman works countless hours every day - at least 12 - doing something she obviously loves and she is SO GOOD at it!!!! In the midst of her own life, she shares that she has a friend she is moving into her basement - because this friend is dying and comes from the worst past home life you could imagine....but Renee has opened her heart and her home - and given this woman a ray of hope for the rest of her life.....wow. When I asked for the friend's name so I could put it on a prayer list - she was touched (not by me....but by the Word of God). Her friend's name is Audrey.

The wig woman - she was sitting next to me....and I am ashamed that I never got her name (okay - not true.....I got her name. But remember - this was during the SEVERE loopyiness and I have not a clue what she said her name was) - I never even told her about me because I wanted to know about her...so glad I did. She told me she had ovarian/cervical cancer that had moved to her lungs - they got it out of her cervix...and she had been fighting this for SEVEN YEARS!!! And so you know what she said.....she thinks they won't get it this time. Well, you know me - WHOA - YES THEY WILL.(you know...when you are filled with the love of Jesus and the power only the holy spirit can provide....there are times they could MUTE you and the words will still come - it is not about you - it is about being willing to be a messenger for God) ......This is NOT the end for you - this is a tougher battle because it is in the middle.....but that is where it lies -not at the end of your life -in the middle...and you will win - all it takes is you...And I don't you know you very well - but I believe in you - you have fought this for 7 years - you are a fighter and I expect to see great things from you.....for a long, long time. I am so sorry for your pain - but I am so thankful that I could to meet you today.....

Then I fell asleep -go figure.....those freakin drugs REALLY made me loopy!!


Once again - God was faithful - I prayed in antcipation of another horrible experience and HE made it SO perfect - gave ME opportunities to say MERRY CHRISTMAS....and folks - NO ONE got mad at me for it!! Many said thank you - several repeated...all heard and acknowledged it....and I wasn't evicted from the Jewish hospital for speaking of a Christan faith!!!


God Bless - I am now off to take a cocktail and crawl back into bed....just wanted to let you know....GOd is so Good...........



Thank you God for doing what you do best - keeping your promises. thank you for bringing to me in the last few days friends who I have not been in touch with - and friends who I needed to be in touch with. Thank you for using me.....I pray for the wig lady, Audrey, Renee, and Angela and for the hearts of everyone to be touched by the spirit that comes every year - of hope, forgiveness, and love.