I think I can call Friday, October 24th, a turning point for me. I am absolutely BRAIN dead when it comes to reading about cancer. I read one article and I feel like I just won the "cancer" lottery....then I go on to the next web-site and wonder what in the world is going on in my body. I am frustrated, maybe a bit angry.....but I am not afraid.
Because I believe in God, I must also acknowledge that satan exists. I hate even giving him credit for existence, but I must - because Heaven knows he has been playing with me as of late. I really feel the need to share this, because I am VERY AWARE he is coming after me - what better time to try and crush my faith than now. (seriously, he has no idea who he is dealing with....I say he - because if satan was a woman, she would be WAY TOO SMART than to try and take me on...) And I believe he is trying really hard right now....because there is so much power in prayer - and he really doesn't like that.
Today....it started when I thought we had lost our helper for Frank's wedding.......for about 3 minutes I thought I was going to bawl - I walked away from David, went into Bella's room, asked God what to do, and He said......."Call Patti." I did, her family is coming, and I was beaming....but let me back up a minute.
I will admit that I have been a bit , well, let's say "cocky" when it comes to this cancer, surgery, recovery (I wish I had not just said that....I will have 15 emails from friends saying, "oh, honey, you have been cocky about a lot more than that lately!!").....but I figure, don't I have a right to be cocky? I mean, I have God on my side - and, quite frankly, I'll take that to the bank ANY DAY of the week.....then I met myself - remember? I had lunch with myself on Wednesday - and got a check of reality. First, it was so great to see that I am totally in charge (Annie just made me feel so good about the way I am handling this...) After listening and sharing and talking about experiences.......she asked me if I had been prepped for the surgery. I said, "sure." And then she gave me the low-down. The cool thing was that Annie had the EXACT same thing that I will be having on Wednesday....so she is extremely intimate with what I can expect.....and I guess I wasn't real thrilled with her description. I won't bore you with the details.....(although if I were to be graphic, the details are anything but boring)...
Back to the wedding.....I now know...after Wednesday...that I can not take care of the girls - I may not be able to take care of me, let alone them.....and THAT is what could make me cry. I won't cry about the cancer that has been a disruption and inconvenience.....but I will cry about the things it will temporarily take away from me - like my independence. (yes, once again, I can see the words flying about that little comment). My babies will want their mommy!!! Satan will find a way to break me (so he thinks). I can give you countless examples of him trying - and each time, your prayers prevailed. I know from where the power comes.....and I just needed to sit down and say "thank you" once again. I was sitting here in the office blogging and I just told God that I really didn't want to cry; I don't want to be weak....so it started to pour down rain (isn't He good - He cried for me.....so I didn't have to) and then, peaking from behind the cloud (or rather, the Rural Health Clinic) - came the beautiful sun. I prefer to spell it "Son". And He showed me that my tears would not - and will not - be a sign of weakness, but rather of my ability to allow Him to carry me. A simple reminder that for every challenge I face (even the little ones) I am not alone. That , my friends, in addition to making me feel quite humble, makes me very very happy.
Loving you........Becky
Daisy for Halloween!
13 years ago
5 comments:
Okay...here's the deal..and I'm serious about this. Send me your girls for a few days, Becky. I've already got the week planned... We'll be begin with a long session where I will fill them in on all the sordid details of your life that I'm sure you've omitted in their upbringing, beginning when you were a spoiled little brat running around Chapin trading Tootsie-Rolls for kisses..then I'll take them to your Jr. High days when you absolutely terrified the other little girls with your death threats, then high school when you started stealing lead roles from the upperclassmen and even though you were a frosh they were afraid to mess with you so they'd put out a contract on you to their brothers...and of course the brothers were even more terrified... Then we'll chat about the outlandish things you, Greg Floyd, and Jeff Westerfield used to do to the rest of the civilized world, the way you'd make Jeff Hooker so nervous to be alone onstage with you when his girlfriend was in the audience.
Okay...that's day one.
The rest of the week will be spent showing them how bachelors live...leaving socks in the hallway, leaving the break unopened on the kitchen table, licking the knife after applying the peanut butter and making strange sounds when waking in the morning.
Don't let this scare you. It's an education that your girls seem to be sorely missing. And no, David can't teach them these things. He's too nice a guy.
I await your call. I'll be in the couch and I think the receiver is down in between the cushions somewhere.
Gotta go. It's time to not wash the windows.
kb
p.s. Even if this doesn't appeal to your motherly senses, just think of the incentive it'll give you to recover!
I love you!
Hey adopted daughter of mine..lol I read Ken's comment to you. I can add a few things to that. Like the night after a basketball game in Winchester..when you ran in front of a moving car..and you were yelling *%#@*$* at some little boy chasing you. Bet you don't remember I ran where you were..and told you that you couldn't use those words..lol Also, I have a few more details of your Jr. Hi years..And I'm sure the girls would love to hear some of those...in a few years...but I could give them candy and soda ..and tell them that I knew you from the age of 6 on. and that someday we would have a little 'talk'.
I just wanted to put a little icing on the cake with an incentive to get well soon.
The day you have surgery, dad and I will be driving to Mayo Clinic. I will have lots of time to pray for you, your family, your recovery..as I drive the interstate of 80 north. So in the afternoon, you can know that I will be asking God to hurry you right on through this hurdle..so you can get on to the recovery portion.
God will take you through this..so try to feel the calming spirit and let Him do His work
We love you Becky Mom and Dad
The "tagging" thing is ( I think ) like a game for bloggers! I'm not sure why it is the 6th picture from the 6th folder, but that's what I was told to do! We had some retail therapy of our own today here! Spending time with Robin, Mike and Nelsie has been great, but we all miss you! We are all thinking about you! Love you!!!
Becky.....I am thinking of CONSTANTLY!!!!! and praying for you all!!!! I love you!!!!
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