My little man

I sit here, listening to the three girls make a LOT of noise. I like that...it keeps me sane. Well, that is what I am telling myself. ( Cancer is working out for the girls, too.) There have been many times I wanted to spank someone's butt, or put them in a closet for the rest of the night, and then I would think to myself....enjoy these moments, they truly are gifts. (and NO...I would NEVER put any of my kids in a closet...I just think about it.) (side note...I always said I wanted 3 boys and a girl....God blessed me with three girls and a boy...what was He thinking?? I am not worthy of this honor......can't wait to talk to Him about THIS particular decision!!)

The girls are doing great. They are pretty matter-of-fact about everything. And right now - they are much more interested in every toy that comes on the TV than they are their mom's cancer. Gracie told me just this morning that she wanted some item on the TV....I don't remember what it was. I told her she would need to tell Santa and she firmly stated that he already knew...of course he does...Santa knows everything. (what was I thinking??) I know their interest in other things is not a matter of caring, but rather a matter of understanding. I am thankful that their tender hearts can not comprehend all of this.

Then there is my little man. I am pretty sure he is doing okay....at least he seems to be doing okay. The only problem with that whole statement is that I know how Austin is.....He is all about making sure everyone else is okay - and he would not want me to think that he wasn't okay....ok?? Let me embellish for just a moment. Austin and I have a relationship that my girls and I will never have - it won't be possible because David is stuck with me for life.....Anyway, I have often shared that there was a time when Austin saved my life. (okay, maybe not literally, but he was a little piece of heaven here on earth) When his dad and I were divorcing, there were many nights I would put Austin to bed and then I would go in the living room and cry......many, many times he would come out and say, "what is the matter, mommy?" I would tell him that mommy had something in her eye. He would crawl into my lap (wearing his mickey mouse onesie jammers) and he would pat me on the back and rock back and forth telling me that everything was going to be okay. While that may be a bit difficult for you to understand or comprehend, he helped to shape my life. I hate that he was so aware of my pain but his love and understanding even them got me through that ordeal. And to this day Austin is not someone we can hide things from......and then there was that morning a few weeks ago......

I have been as open and honest with Austin as I can be about the cancer and what is happening.(although I must admit I have REALLY downplayed this whole cancer thing with him....I hope that was the right choice. I just want him to have no worries concerning me....that is no different than any other mom would do....of that, I am certain). I went to his room one morning and asked him if he would like for mommy to take him to school. Of course he would!!!! He was still a little asleep......I sat on the bed and told him that I loved him...and I was so proud of him. He reached up, grabbed me with his very strong arms, held me and told me that he loved me and I was going to be okay. (whoa, this was feeling strangely familiar to me.......) Needless to say, I became emotional.....once again, folks...tears of joy - a direct result of the words that were flowing forth from the mouth of my babe....from the mouth of my little man....my little piece of heaven on earth.

I ask, very specifically that you please continue to pray for Austin. He is such a strong young man who has a keen desire to make everyone around him happy. He is a peace maker and a fighter.....and my saving grace.

Thank you for your prayers........I love you.........