Bitter....not sweet

About once a week David and I like to frequent the new Mexican establishment in town. We are quite familiar with directions on how to arrive there - as this new restaurant resides where our old one used to ( key word - USED to....Hallelujah!!!!) Anyway, it has become quite commonplace for David to order tea - unsweetened tea - but the silly little guy seems to always get it wrong, and he brings David the stuff that tastes like syrup....and since I prefer my tea to be bitter, not sweet....I don't offer to change - and David is so nice that he doesn't ask them to bring a new glass. He doesn't want to be wasteful.

And so it is - I prefer bitter....not sweet. But ONLY when talking about my tea. If we were discussing, say, a relationship - well, of course I would want it sweet.....who would want a bitter relationship?

I digress for one moment. I am (searching for the right words at the moment)....perplexed....yes - let's say that I am perplexed. So I am blogging - and I promise that by the end of this it will all come together. If not - then blame Mrs. Hayes for not doing a better job of teaching me how to get my explanatory paragraphs in the right place.......or was it Mrs. Carriger (nope...she was algebra).....Mrs. Clinton( not her, either....unless I am writing this blog in Spanish) Mrs. Charlesworth - no way was it her......even if it was I would never admit it!!! Okay - then we will blame KB.....he is like Mikey - he'll do anything....although he was drama. Oh well, forget it. Blame ME!!!! (do I need disclaimers to name people in my blog????)

I know that there are many family members and friends who read this daily and they pray for me - and they call me - and they lift my spirits............take Angela, for example. This is the cousin who took precious time out of her day recently to send me an email and let me know that I did NOT look chunky in the wedding photos - flat chested, prehaps, but NOT chunky. (I haven't heard that one before....bitter?) She is also the cousin I called from the parking lot of the bank on the day I was preparing to give my notice. As I sat there, I called Angela - my cousin who I knew would make me feel better about leaving the bank after 7 years at the age of 40 to stay at home with my children. I mean - who better for me to ask than a woman with four children who gave up full time work to stay at home with her kids - right? She listened to me speak for several minutes and then answered, "Are you kidding? I am definately NOT the person you want to talk to about leaving your job to stay home with your kids." (bitter....) After I picked my stomach up off the floorboard, she laughed, we cried - and she held me through the phone... (sweeet........) THAT is what family and friends do for each other.

THAT is what Christians do for people they don't even know - via the wonderful world of prayer chains, and simply listening to the voice of God. I am screaming right now - THANK YOU for heeding the call of God. Regardless of your station in life or where you are praying from.....

I grew up in the Chapin Christian Church. This is a tiny church in a town of 500 people where we had special music - nearly every week....potlucks after the service that EVERYONE attended.....Jr. CHi-Rho (5th and 6th grade), Sr. CHi-RHo (7th and 8th grade), and CYF (high school) that kids could not wait to be old enough to belong to.... women's groups, men's groups......Christmas bazaars, fish fries, church picnics, church programs, bible school.....I could go on and on - but in our little town of Chapin - this church was a family. It was a part of my family until I left after high school.....and whenever anyone was in need, the family came together. As with any "family" there are those who are memorable.....and one of my most memorable was Pastor Bob. Pastor Bob was a military chaplain many years ago. While in the military an American soldier raped, beat, and murdered his 16 year old daughter......and Pastor Bob counseled that soldier......now what does THAT tell you about him? Believe me - I am quite certain several of you just fell off your chair. This is the same man that was leading our church family when my father died and when my brother died 7 months later. I can tell you one thing for sure - Pastor Bob was one of the first people at my side.....and I will never forget his words of loving encouragement that only could have come from the mouth of a man of God. A man who loved me because I was a child of God. I am so thankful for that memory. He became - and still is - my benchmark for a pastor.

And now.....well, now I am going to say what to me seems unthinkable.....but I have struggled to figure out how it is that my church family has opened their arms and embraced me in a loving way - and I have never heard one word from the mouth of my pastor. I was diagnosed on September 26th. Today is November 30th. Two months have passed and I have yet to hear one word from my pastor. I KNOW THIS IS NOT NORMAL..............THIS IS WHAT PASTOR'S DO. Seriously - I mean, aren't they supposed to reach out to us.....ask to pray with us.....or, am I as the one in need supposed to reach out to him? If these words strike a bad chord with you - I don't know what to say. But let me tell you this - what I have learned over the course of the last two months......is that the best "pastor" is not the one wearing the robe.....but the one (or, in this case, the hundreds) that are praying and listening. You know what's funny???? Okay - maybe not funny, but peculiar? Okay - that's not right, either. You know what is telling? YES - that's the word - telling..........guess who I called the day after I was diagnosed? I called the pastor of my heart. A friend who is a man of God and loves all of God's children. A friend who I knew would pray for me. He knows who he is - he used to drive to Champaign, Illinois, to have communion with me when I was a struggling student, a wife in distress, and a wary Christian. Thank God I called him - it's the only pastoring I've had.

Let me clarify....the only talk with a pastor I have had. I have had a TON of pastoring!!! Whether you know it or not, if you love God and you open your heart - He will use you. I know this - because He used you to help me.......Thank you.....I love you!!!!

Listen......I am not bitter - I am thankful. I refuse to lay down and let the absence of the earthly man wearing the cloth keep me from the Man Who died on the Cross.