A lesson learned.......about reaching out

So I went to bed last night and woke up this morning feeling very guilty about the unkind words I spoke about the girl in 7B. I should not have made those comments about her enlarged bottom. Having cancer is NO excuse for being condescending - and I apologize.......however.....

That girl - who I will refer to as "7B" deals with many patients every day - and every single cotton pickin one of them has cancer. She doesn't know who is terminal and who isn't - she had NO IDEA that I am not dying....but she did see the tears in my eyes and the utter frustration I was feeling. And all she could do was heave a sigh of relief (my assumption) when I walked away - because I represented additional work...and she had no desire to do any work which would require her moving off that chair. And that, my friends, is more painful than the cancer could ever be. I was a number to her....nothing more, although perhaps less.

She taught me a lesson......and I will never forget the helplessness I felt - all I wanted was for someone - ANYONE to reach out to me and make me feel better about what I was experiencing at that moment - and I am not talking about the cancer....I am talking about the "out of control" feeling that comes when you have no idea where you are supposed to be - and the only thing that can make you feel better....is finding out where that is. My situation is not life or death - but on Friday, I felt like it was.

I have said before that God did not give me cancer, but He has taken this affliction and is making me a better person. I will never again - and I mean NEVER again.....knowingly walk away from someone who is hurting and in need. I may only be able to offer a prayer, or a hug, or a smile....but I won't walk away - and I want to say thank you for not walking away from me.....for not judging me as I became......unkind....this will take some serious reflection for me - a lesson God is teaching me about truly giving yourself to others. I am ready.