Miracles.....Carolyn

Survivor Guilt. I can't explain it - I don't think I ever felt guilty for surviving. I felt guilty for being thankful that I didn't die.....especially when I was witnessing those who WERE going to die. I know that was a mouthful - does it make any sense?

Yesterday David and I drove to Ft. Madison, Iowa to visit MariJane. She used to work for David and Bill for YEARS in the real estate business - and she is a fantastic woman. We often refer to her as the "Queen of Real Estate". Actually - anyone who knew her in her prime refers to her as the same. She is top notch.

She moved away from Pittsfield about 6 years ago and I am ashamed to say....we had never it up to see her. Until yesterday. And this trip - well.......this trip had to happen. You see, MariJane called us about 4 weeks ago to tell us that her daughter, Carolyn, had been diagnosed with a terminal cancer. STOP!!!!!! Of course, my first thought was - phooey.....we will pray her through this. God can change anything.....He can.

So, I prayed about this trip about sharing Jesus with Carolyn and changing her life - about showering her with the love of Jesus. And letting her know that the one thing you can always count on is Him (well....dying and paying taxes........but even taxes can be skirted.) I met Carolyn about 7 years ago. She had shown up to help her mom sell her properties - and David was buying them. He had always admired MariJane's things and was looking forward to carrying on her traditions. It was an interesting meeting - I liked Carolyn from the start. Think of the most strong-willed person you have ever met and I promise you....they do not hold a candle to Carolyn!!! She and I really hit it off!!!

Yesterday David and I were expecting to see a very sick Carolyn......I had envisioned a sick woman, unable to eat, or function.....because this cancer is aggressive and it is eating her insides. We showed up at MariJane's and high-tailed it over to Carolyn's house. When we walked in - there she was, sitting at the kitchen table getting her hair cut!! And I must tell you - she was more beautiful than I had ever seen her. Now, I had only met her once - but I had seen photos - and WOW did she look great!!! It was hard for me to imagine that she is dying - and according to the doctors will be gone very soon.......

I just had to write to tell you about her because the visit was so profound - I went there expecting to share something to "rock her world." And before the day was over - she had rocked mine. We were standing at the door to leave and it was simply hard to walk away (no tears, by the way - that would have ticked Carolyn off.....NO TEARS ALLOWED!!!) I looked her and our conversation went something like this:

ME: "Carolyn - you truly are a remarkable woman. I came here today to tell you how much I love you and how much Jesus loves you...and you have taken my breath away with your strength and courage. NO ONE could handle what you are living like you have done. Your family is truly blessed."

CAROLYN: "Well, I see it like this. We are only here for a very short time. And in that time I believe we need to love as much as we can, learn as much as we can, and give as much as we can. If we are not doing that, then we are not doing something right."

I feel so blessed to have spent that two hours with her - and as I left I told her it was my hope that we would see each other again. I believe in miracles and I believe God will make her well. I don't know how that will happen - maybe a miracle on earth, or maybe not......but what I DO know....is HE is changing the lives of every person that has the opportunity to know her. I thank God that HE gave me that chance.

15 minutes of fame

Have you ever heard someone talk about their 15 minutes of fame? It's a common saying - I know you have heard it one time or another in your life. I remember a very nice man telling me one day that God had GREAT things in store for me - we had been at a lay witness mission...I don't know who he was or where he is - but I always remembered that - and always wondered when my 15 minutes of fame would come.

Several weeks ago I received a call from a friend asking if I would be willing to speak at the Fight Back ceremony for the Tri-COunty Relay for Life. Of course I said YES....and I said it immediately. And then I wondered, "What in the world can I say to these people about fighting back?" I prayed - and stressed - and prayed some more about how I could make a talk INTERESTING and not a downer - when I have to tell them my story about cancer. And get this.....they asked if I could talk for 15 minutes.

All I know is this - I have wondered my whole life...and my guess is that God has granted me MANY 15 minute opportunities....but there has been none that mean more to me than this 15 minutes. It is TONIGHT....around 10pm...so, if you aren't busy - would you mind lifting me up so that my words are HIS.....and humility is evident. I can not tell you how honored I feel - and how humbling it is.......

Thank you....once again.....

Bone Scan and Port Removal

OK.....a rather boring title for this entry - but sometimes I am simply all out of creativity. So, I thought I would make the title what the blog is about - how novel.

Monday I had a follow-up appt with the surgoen who did the oophorectomy (as I stated earlier). I left the house at 6am and was home by 1pm.......7 hours gone and 20 minutes with the doctor...yikes. Anyway, that was Monday and yesterday I had a bone scan and port removal. I am SO THANKFUL........

I had asked earlier for prayer regarding the severe joint and bone pain. We thought it was the clinical trial. Needless to day, I halted taking the drugs and the pains have not gone away. But - while I was talking to the clinical coordinator on the16th she mentioned that part of the trial was a bone scan at the end and she wanted to know if I would like to do that...OF COURSE, I said!! So, that was in the morning and took about 3 hours....I then went to radiology to have the port removed. The port is what was placed in my body close to my right shoulder for administering the chemo - in order to save my veins......I asked if I could keep it as a souvenir. And do you know what they said to me?? Since chemo had flowed through this thing it is considered "toxic" waste and has to be destroyed. I blurted out, "BUT I PAID FOR IT!!!" Well...that didn't matter. They did, however, allow me to see it when it was out. And it was SO COOL!!!

Back to the bone and joint pain. My doctor seems to think it is the taxol (the last chemo drug I was on). I could have these pains for awhile - and that is so not cool.....but since I know that, I will continue to try and not complain (hehehehehe).

Did I say thank you???? If you are reading this, I hope you will make plans to come to my house on August 22nd.....I am planning a celebration - of life, friendship, hope......all things good!!! We will also have some auction items to try and raise funds for breast cancer research....but you don't have to buy anything!!! All you HAVE to do is plan to come and have fun.....eat, drink, and be merry.......and there are a few other surpirses I won't mention!!!!

God Bless you........

Two for the price of one!

Have you ever gone to the store to buy something and when you get up to the counter you are super excited to find out.....there is more of a discount than you had originally thought? That feeling - like you have won the lottery - is one of the finest feelings a shopper can have.

I am here to tell you that feeling does not only apply to shopping for things....it can apply to your body - your health. I have the perfect example. I had my ovaries removed on June 11th. They also removed the fallopian tubes. I love it because my doctor told me on Monday that reduces my chances of ovarian cancer by 97-99%. I really like those odds! At any rate, while I was in her office she gave me the results from the surgery. I believe her exact words were, "this is the best news I can deliver to you." There were no cancer cells anywhere. She followed up by saying my washings were clear as well. I was like, "What is a washing??" She said that while they were in there....scraping out my ovaries....they also "washed" the linings of my abdomen to see if there were cancer cells present there, as well. I was so excited - take one ovary, get one washing....but they took BOTH ovaries - so I got TWO washings.... and they were both NEGATIVE!!! I felt like I hit the washing lottery.

So.....life is moving on and I am so excited to feel as if I am finally at the end of this season of my life......just one surgery to go!!!

I have more to share, but a son that needs a ride - so I PROMISE I will do a couple more blogs before next week......thank you for caring, for praying, for listening, and for believing with me. I truly love you.

Surgery...the "oops-erectomy"

OK...It is not really called that - it is an "oopherecotmy." What a mouthful...and Heaven knows I hope it is not an "oops..."!

But it is tomorrow - and while I had absolutely NO reservations about losing my breasts, I can not say the same about my ovaries. It is one thing to say I am blessed with four children and so proud of them - it is another to know that I CAN'T have anymore....I am a type A, like being in control, and this is definately pushing my comfort zone.

David, Austin, and I are going down tonight since check-in is at 5:30am. Austin isn't going for ths surgery - his flight leaves for Atlanta at 10:24am...he is going to see his dad. The two guys are going to check-in to the hotel and leave for dinner - I will be staying at the hotel and spending most of my time in the bathroom. I am on an all-clear liquid diet today and starting at 5pm....I take some serious stuff to clean me out. I really can't wait for that moment - so much I could say about God going to great lengths to "cleanse" me, but I will leave that for anothet day.

I would like to ask for some specific prayer. As of yesterday I have been halted on the clinical trial. I have severe bone pain and arthritis which have taken over my life (I believe as a result of those lovely pills) - so we have to get this figured out next Tuesday when I go to see my oncologist....I can tell you that the last three weeks have not been fun - and I can't "fake" it anymore....the pain has become unbearable....so........thank you !!

Take care - have a blessed day....I am giving thanks to God repeatedly for the many blessings He has bestowed upon me - not the least of which is YOU!!!!

Do you have a Heather in your life?

Last week on Tuesday my friend Troy called me and asked me what I was doing on Wednesday. Well....I had a ton to do - reports for David, the bank, etc.....but I told him I was available. He wanted me to ride with him to Monmouth (where the heck is THAT?) to talk to an old high school friend of his who had been diagonosed with cancer......

..........I don't think I was speechless.....but my body went limp. My first thought was - ABSOLUTLEY!!!! And then, after he hung up and we had made arrangements, I was terrifed - what in the world could I share with this woman that would help her? (I should have known that I have nothing to share - it is God who would speak to her......) The next morning I tried to put it off until Friday - bad weather coming, not enough time since I had to be back in Pittsfield....Troy said NO PROBLEM....I will have you back in plenty of time....so he came to get me - and we went.

I am so very thankful that Troy called me that day. You see - I got to meet Heather, a beautiful, young, vibrant, mother of four and wife to one ...... and a Christian. While I couldn't repeat to you the meeting ver batim....I can tell you this - God was in control. I don't remember much of what was said - just that the room was full of love. I knew the minute I met her she would be okay - she has put God in control.....a beautiful reminder that He will always be in control if we let Him.....something I still struggle to do on a daily basis.....

If you have a Heather in your life, you are blessed.....thank God for the opportunity and embrace it.....He has something He wants to tell you!!

God Bless you....

Update

I was so good at blogging in the beginning. I have asked myself several times why I don't blog more often - and the answer I keep giving is....what do I have to say? I think it is a natural human response to think that we are not worthy - or important enough. And while those thoughts of myself may not change, I just want to say THANK YOU for taking the time to talk with me, and journey with me.....I promise to try to keep you up on things!!

I went to the doctor on Tuesday. Nearly 40 trips to Siteman in the last 7 months and this was the first time I travelled alone....and I did NOT like it!!! On the one hand, I didn't have to worry about wasting someone else's time. On the other hand - my body naturally wants to sleep on this trip - so on the way home, my body was trying to sleep....All I can tell you is that didn't really work for me - or the 10,000 other cars on the road....

I had to go to Siteman to do pre-op testing for my Oopherectomy (try saying that 5 times fast), meet with the clinical coordinator for the trial I will be on for the next three years, and meet with my oncological surgeon - the fabulous woman who removed my breasts. It was a fabulous day. I found out that I will NEVER get lymphodema (sp?). For those of you who knew Marty Floyd (well, first of all - you were lucky to have known her)...but you may remember her arm swelling up like a balloon. In her case, they had removed all of the lymph nodes from that arm - and the unfortunate swelling is a possible life-long side effect. In my case, the doctor did a sentinal node operation - she only removed the sentinal node and one other node from each breast.....and she told me that she has NEVER had a patient with my type of surgery get lymphodema.....so I can start lifting. She also released me for all exercises!! I was so happy I cried.......I had two other doctors tell me I wouldn't be able to lift more than 15 pounds for THE REST OF MY LIFE......Thank God they were wrong!!

So now I am waiting for surgery on June 11th. I have an appt on June 16th with my oncologist, July with the clinical coordinator, and Sep 10th I will have my breast reconstruction......I can tell you that things are definately looking up in my camp. There really IS light at the end of this tunnel!!!

God Bless You......